35 Years

Happy Anniversary to my wonderful parents! :) 35 years and still going strong!

My Best Friend's Wedding

fI haven't blogged in a while and a lot of that is due to all the festivities leading up to my BFF's wedding last weekend. It was a WONDERFUL wedding and I still can't believe it's over. I wanted to share a few photos:

Me and the lovely bride

Me and the wonderful couple

Me and the Sherwins :)

I was blessed to be Sarah's maid of honor, and it was a wonderful experience. I consider Sarah to be my sister so I knew this would be an emotional day. I did not expect to get as emotional as I did during the ceremony (I was crying non-stop!) BUT I guess I got it all out early on because I made it through my toast with no tears. :)

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Kim, Sarah’s best friend and college roommate. Growing up, I always wanted a sister. I was blessed to have a little brother, but God chose to not give me a sister until I was 18 years old. I met Sarah my freshman year of college at Southwestern University when she moved into my dorm room after we both were in need of new roommates. I’d love to tell you that we were BFF at first sight, but that first semester together was pretty awkward. But don’t worry, as you can tell, that didn’t last. We have lived together ever since that fateful day in the Spring semester of our freshman year. (Well, actually, we did not technically live together our junior years but we were at each other’s apartments almost every day so I still count it.) We were inseparable and most of my best college memories involve her: living in the God quad, riding yellow pirate bikes, camping with Phi Lambs, road trips to Nomads, praying with Allison and meals in the commons. My favorite memory is when we would perform and make up songs together including our original song “Why Don’t Boys Like Us.” (Ask me later if you want to hear the whole song, it’s amazing!)

Now almost 7 years later, I am standing here at her wedding. I knew it wouldn’t take long for the “right boy” to like Sarah. She is an incredible person and a wonderful friend. Her friendship has literally been a godsend in my life, at a time when I desperately needed it. She has been with me during all of the low points and high points of my adult life. Honestly, she helped me navigate my way into adulthood. She’s one of the first people I want to share any type of news with, and I can spend hours talking to her. Needless to say, I have always been apprehensive of ANYONE coming close to being worthy of marrying her. I even made a list of requirements for her future husband, but Kevin passed all my tests with flying colors.

Kevin and Sarah are both very blessed to have each other. I have been honored to have known them throughout their whole relationship: from their first date, all the way through their engagement and now at their wedding. They have such a special relationship built on love, trust and lots of laughter. I have no doubt that their marriage will be amazing and bear much fruit...including kids. I can’t wait to meet your little Kimmy Jr. I mean, your kids are going to have two aunt Kim’s so I think it’s only right you name your first girl after us.

May God bless your journey together! To Sarah and Kevin!

Me giving the toast

I think they liked it :)

I Confess....

Last month, I studied the discipline of confession. I have to confess (hah hah) that I wasn't very excited about this one. Mainly because it was one of the corporate disciplines, and I wasn't too keen on confessing to someone. I have always struggled with letting others see my faults and sins. In this chapter, Foster writes that "we feel that everyone else has advanced so far into holiness that we are isolated and alone in our sin. We cannot bear to reveal our failures and shortcomings to others. We imagine that we are the only ones who have not stepped onto the high road to heaven. Therefore, we hid ourselves from one another and live in veiled lies and hypocrisy" (p.145). It saddens me to think I feel paralyzed in sharing my burdens with others. God did not place us on this earth to live alone in isolation. "We are freed to hear the unconditional call of God's love and to confess our needs openly before our brothers and sisters. We know we are not alone in our sin....in acts of mutual confession we release the power that heals" (p. 145-146).

I was unsure of what to "do" this month for confession. Foster gave an amazing example in his book of a diary of confession (pp. 149-150). Basically, after prayer and meditation, he wrote down anything that came to mind that needed healing and forgiveness from his childhood. The next day, he did the same thing for his adolescence, and finally he wrote down anything from his adulthood. Later he brought his writings to a trusted friend and shared what he wrote with him. Then his friend took the paper, ripped it up and prayer over him. I decided to do the same thing and I brought my writing to one of my best friends, Allison. It was extremely difficult for me to be so open and vulnerable, but I cannot tell you how free I felt afterward. It's amazing how much guilt and shame I had carried around "hiding" these struggles and sins.

It is so amazing that God has given us the ability to listen to others and forgive in His name. Foster emphasizes that private confession is just as valid, but there is a sweet freedom in sharing our burdens with others. Foster writes that "the Scripture teaches us that all believers are priests before God: 'You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood' (1Peter 2:9)" (p. 147). Foster quotes Dietrich Bonhoeffer who writes that "a man who confesses his sins in the presence of a brother knows that he is no longer alone with himself; he experiences the presence of God in the reality of the other person" (p.148). I am so thankful I was able to share my sins with Allison. I felt God speaking through her to me, and it was incredible.

Now that it is July, I am on to the discipline of worship. I have decided for July I will only listen to worship music in the car and while I work out. I also want to work on playing the piano and guitar more. I'll let you know how it goes!

Thanks for reading friends! :)

Fasting and Confession

This whole summer vacation thing has distracted me from my blogging! It's amazing how easily I fall back into the habit of being lazy. :) I did want to update you on what I learned about fasting (mainly, that it is HARD and I definitely need more practice)

I stopped the Daniel Fast at the beginning of June. The first half of it went really well, but I cheated a few times during the last half. It is incredible how hard it is for me to eat only fruits and vegetables. BUT it was very rewarding. I can already see a change in my eating habits (eating more fruits and vegetables, choosing healthier options, not snacking as much). On the spiritual side, I have really tried to focus on why I turn to eating for my emotional needs.

Although this fast was a great experience, I do not feel as I used it as a spiritual experience as much as a physical one. In his chapter on fasting, Foster writes that "throughout scripture fasting refers to abstaining from food for spiritual purposes" (p. 48). Although eating healthier and trying to lose weight is a noble thing to do, Foster reminds the reader that fasting centers on the spiritual, not physical. He states that "fasting must forever center on God. It must be God-initiated and God-ordained." (p. 54) Along with this central purpose, "fasting reveals the things that control us...we cover what is inside us with food and other good things, but in fasting these things surface....anger, bitterness, jealousy, strife, fear." (p.55) King David writes in Psalm 69:10, "I humbled my soul with fasting." I actually experienced this in the first week of my fast. Emotions came to the surface that I had buried for months.

In addition to revealing the things that controls us, "fasting reminds us that we are sustained 'by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God' (Matt. 4:4). Food does not sustain us; God sustains us." (p. 55) It is humbling to realize how sovereign our God is and how He supports us. Foster writes that "fasting helps us keep our balance in life," (p. 56) and I definitely agree. This discipline, as all the others, has pointed out that I am a work in progress, and that I should continue to seek God in all aspects of my life.

He concludes the chapter with different ways to practice fasting. I will hope to continue with the practice in different ways, and I definitely want to try the Daniel fast again. He does mention that you should not call attention to your fasting so no more blog posts on that subject! :) It will be interesting to look back at my first few attempts of fasting and see how I have matured.

This month I am studying confession, and I must say, it has been the most difficult discipline for me. I will share more of my learning with you in a few weeks. As always, thanks for reading!

Daniel Fast BREAK!

Well, I took a (3-day) mini-break from my Daniel fast for this weekend because of a bridal shower out of town I went to and I didn't want to deal with food issues. Now that I'm back home, it's back to fasting! I had done 10 days before my break so that means I have 11 to go....up through June 2nd! The sad thing is, my stomach has felt so much better this weekend than it had those first ten days of the fast. So basically I have very little motivation to get back on it. I know that deep down I really want to finish it. I just never imagined it would be this hard.

Here we go again!

Daniel Fast

I am right in the middle of my study of the discipline of fasting. I have tried fasting over the years during lent dealing with both food (sweets and fried food) and non-food things (facebook, shopping). I decided to try the 21-day Daniel fast for this month. Food has always been an issue for me....I am definitely not overweight, but I do know that I do not have a healthy diet. My cholesterol is high and I have gained about 30 pounds since high school (15 since the end of college). Food also affects me emotionally as I tend to turn to food depending on my mood: if I'm happy, I may indulge in an extra dessert or if I'm sad I may turn to snacking on unhealthy items. I do feel like I place too much value on food. I wanted to take these 3 weeks to not only cleanse my body of unhealthy toxins, but also look at how my obsession with food affects my spiritual life.

For those of you who have not heard of it, the Daniel fast is a 21-day fast based on the account of Daniel in the Bible. (specifically Daniel 1 and 10). If you have not read the book of Daniel you should! It's one of my favorite books. I did a Beth Moore Bible study with my two best friends on it a few years ago and it was amazing. The book starts with King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon overtaking Judah. Daniel was one of the Israelites taken to the King to be educated. The King gave them portions of his own food and wine. Here are few excerpts from the book of Daniel:

"But Daniel resolved that he would not defile himself with the king's food, or with the wine that he drank. Therefore, he asked the chief of the eunuchs to allow him not to defile himself. And God gave Daniel favor and compassion in the sight of the chief of eunuchs, and the chief of eunuchs said to Daniel, "I fear my lord the king, who assigned your food and your drink; for why should he see that you were in worse condition than your youths who are of your won age? So you would endanger my head with the king." Then Daniel said to the steward who the chief of eunuchs had assigned over Daniel, Hannaiah, Misheal, ad Azariah, "Test your servants for ten days; let us be given vegetable to eat and water to drink. Then let our appearance and the appearance of the youths who eat the king's food be observed by you, and deal with your servants according to what you see." So he listened to them in this matter, and tested them for ten days. At the end of ten days, it was seen that they were better in appearance and fatter in flesh than all the youth who ate the king's food." (Daniel 1:8-15)

The 10th chapter of Daniel reveals him to have a vision:

"In those days I, Daniel, was mourning for three weeks. I ate no delicacies, no meat or wine entered my mouth, nor did I anoint myself at all, for the full three weeks." (Daniel 10:2-3)

From these two passages, we get the guidelines for the Daniel Fast:

1. Eat only fruits and vegetables (or things grown from the earth)

2. Only water to drink

3. No preservatives or sweeteners or breads

4. Lasts for three weeks or 21-days

(check out http://daniel-fast.com/index.html for more information!)

I have never done such an intense fast before so it has been an eye-opening experience. I am on day 6 and it has already been very, VERY hard. My body and mind have been fighting me. It is obvious to me that I am very addicted to sugar. It would be scary if it wasn't so funny! I literally had to argue with myself on Friday to not eat doughnuts in the teacher's lounge. I must have looked insane staring at this box of doughnuts, whispering under my breath (No one would know! NO! BE STRONG! Oh come on...you lasted 4 days, that's good enough....WALK AWAY KIM!)

I'll be honest up front, I will be breaking my fast a couple times due to end of year parties and a bridal shower I'm going to, but I am hoping to hold to it until May 31st otherwise. It will be an interesting 2 more weeks as the first week has been incredibly difficult. Please pray for my spiritual growth and that my focus be on seeking God, not merely surviving a "diet." I am hoping this fast will jump start me into a healthier lifestyle when it is over! :)

Pray, Pray and Pray!

April was devoted to learning more about prayer. I was pretty discouraged with myself in my lack of discipline in prayer. My goal was to pray for a specific person each day and unfortunately that didn't happen. However, I did begin to form a habit of praying each morning and I know I can continue to work on it until it becomes a natural part of my day. Foster encouraged me in his chapter on prayer saying "we should remember that God always meets us where we are and slowly moves us into deeper things." (p. 35) That made me smile. I have always desired for a deeper prayer life and always get discouraged when I get lazy. Instead of giving up I should celebrate the small steps and continue to move forward with God.

I really enjoyed this chapter and found it to be a very helpful one on my spiritual journey of reflection. Foster emphasizes that of all the spiritual disciplines, prayer "is the most central as it ushers us into perpetual communion withe the Father." (p.33) He describes how it is often discouraging when we think our prayers won't make a difference, but Foster states that the Bible teaches us the importance of prayer and how we are working together with God through prayer.

Also, "real prayer is something we learn." (p.36) Foster studied all the references of prayer in the gospels and found that he was "determined to learn to pray so [his] experiences conformed to the words of Jesus rather that try to make His words conform to [his] impoverished experience." (p.37) In addition to scripture, Foster sought advice from others who had deep prayer lives and began praying for others immediately even though he didn't feel like he was "perfect" at prayer. He goes on to say that "one of the most critical aspects in learning to pray for others is to et in contact with God so that his life and power can flow through us into others." (p.38)

Foster also warns not to make prayer too complicated. He writes that "Jesus taught us to come like children to a father. Openness, honesty and trust mark the communication of children with their father." (p. 38) Foster shared a few stories about children and prayer. I was really touched by the example of his friend who taught emotionally-handicapped children who felt God wanted him to pray for his students. He did not tell the children he was doing this, he simply did it as he worked in the room with them. If a child had a hard time or a meltdown, he would simply pray over the child silently. By the end of the year, most of his students returned to the general education classroom. (p.42-43) Working in a public school does not mean your faith and prayer life cannot exist in your classroom. I pray for my students, but I continue to ask God for discipline to do it more often.

The greatest lesson I took from this chapter is that "we must never wait until we feel like praying before we pray for others" (p.45). I hope to remember this lesson each day.

Since we are in a new month, it is time for a new discipline! Fasting is next! I will be praying over the next few days of what kind of fast (food or something else) God would like me to do.

Thanks for reading!