I Confess....

Last month, I studied the discipline of confession. I have to confess (hah hah) that I wasn't very excited about this one. Mainly because it was one of the corporate disciplines, and I wasn't too keen on confessing to someone. I have always struggled with letting others see my faults and sins. In this chapter, Foster writes that "we feel that everyone else has advanced so far into holiness that we are isolated and alone in our sin. We cannot bear to reveal our failures and shortcomings to others. We imagine that we are the only ones who have not stepped onto the high road to heaven. Therefore, we hid ourselves from one another and live in veiled lies and hypocrisy" (p.145). It saddens me to think I feel paralyzed in sharing my burdens with others. God did not place us on this earth to live alone in isolation. "We are freed to hear the unconditional call of God's love and to confess our needs openly before our brothers and sisters. We know we are not alone in our sin....in acts of mutual confession we release the power that heals" (p. 145-146).

I was unsure of what to "do" this month for confession. Foster gave an amazing example in his book of a diary of confession (pp. 149-150). Basically, after prayer and meditation, he wrote down anything that came to mind that needed healing and forgiveness from his childhood. The next day, he did the same thing for his adolescence, and finally he wrote down anything from his adulthood. Later he brought his writings to a trusted friend and shared what he wrote with him. Then his friend took the paper, ripped it up and prayer over him. I decided to do the same thing and I brought my writing to one of my best friends, Allison. It was extremely difficult for me to be so open and vulnerable, but I cannot tell you how free I felt afterward. It's amazing how much guilt and shame I had carried around "hiding" these struggles and sins.

It is so amazing that God has given us the ability to listen to others and forgive in His name. Foster emphasizes that private confession is just as valid, but there is a sweet freedom in sharing our burdens with others. Foster writes that "the Scripture teaches us that all believers are priests before God: 'You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood' (1Peter 2:9)" (p. 147). Foster quotes Dietrich Bonhoeffer who writes that "a man who confesses his sins in the presence of a brother knows that he is no longer alone with himself; he experiences the presence of God in the reality of the other person" (p.148). I am so thankful I was able to share my sins with Allison. I felt God speaking through her to me, and it was incredible.

Now that it is July, I am on to the discipline of worship. I have decided for July I will only listen to worship music in the car and while I work out. I also want to work on playing the piano and guitar more. I'll let you know how it goes!

Thanks for reading friends! :)

Fasting and Confession

This whole summer vacation thing has distracted me from my blogging! It's amazing how easily I fall back into the habit of being lazy. :) I did want to update you on what I learned about fasting (mainly, that it is HARD and I definitely need more practice)

I stopped the Daniel Fast at the beginning of June. The first half of it went really well, but I cheated a few times during the last half. It is incredible how hard it is for me to eat only fruits and vegetables. BUT it was very rewarding. I can already see a change in my eating habits (eating more fruits and vegetables, choosing healthier options, not snacking as much). On the spiritual side, I have really tried to focus on why I turn to eating for my emotional needs.

Although this fast was a great experience, I do not feel as I used it as a spiritual experience as much as a physical one. In his chapter on fasting, Foster writes that "throughout scripture fasting refers to abstaining from food for spiritual purposes" (p. 48). Although eating healthier and trying to lose weight is a noble thing to do, Foster reminds the reader that fasting centers on the spiritual, not physical. He states that "fasting must forever center on God. It must be God-initiated and God-ordained." (p. 54) Along with this central purpose, "fasting reveals the things that control us...we cover what is inside us with food and other good things, but in fasting these things surface....anger, bitterness, jealousy, strife, fear." (p.55) King David writes in Psalm 69:10, "I humbled my soul with fasting." I actually experienced this in the first week of my fast. Emotions came to the surface that I had buried for months.

In addition to revealing the things that controls us, "fasting reminds us that we are sustained 'by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God' (Matt. 4:4). Food does not sustain us; God sustains us." (p. 55) It is humbling to realize how sovereign our God is and how He supports us. Foster writes that "fasting helps us keep our balance in life," (p. 56) and I definitely agree. This discipline, as all the others, has pointed out that I am a work in progress, and that I should continue to seek God in all aspects of my life.

He concludes the chapter with different ways to practice fasting. I will hope to continue with the practice in different ways, and I definitely want to try the Daniel fast again. He does mention that you should not call attention to your fasting so no more blog posts on that subject! :) It will be interesting to look back at my first few attempts of fasting and see how I have matured.

This month I am studying confession, and I must say, it has been the most difficult discipline for me. I will share more of my learning with you in a few weeks. As always, thanks for reading!

Daniel Fast BREAK!

Well, I took a (3-day) mini-break from my Daniel fast for this weekend because of a bridal shower out of town I went to and I didn't want to deal with food issues. Now that I'm back home, it's back to fasting! I had done 10 days before my break so that means I have 11 to go....up through June 2nd! The sad thing is, my stomach has felt so much better this weekend than it had those first ten days of the fast. So basically I have very little motivation to get back on it. I know that deep down I really want to finish it. I just never imagined it would be this hard.

Here we go again!

Daniel Fast

I am right in the middle of my study of the discipline of fasting. I have tried fasting over the years during lent dealing with both food (sweets and fried food) and non-food things (facebook, shopping). I decided to try the 21-day Daniel fast for this month. Food has always been an issue for me....I am definitely not overweight, but I do know that I do not have a healthy diet. My cholesterol is high and I have gained about 30 pounds since high school (15 since the end of college). Food also affects me emotionally as I tend to turn to food depending on my mood: if I'm happy, I may indulge in an extra dessert or if I'm sad I may turn to snacking on unhealthy items. I do feel like I place too much value on food. I wanted to take these 3 weeks to not only cleanse my body of unhealthy toxins, but also look at how my obsession with food affects my spiritual life.

For those of you who have not heard of it, the Daniel fast is a 21-day fast based on the account of Daniel in the Bible. (specifically Daniel 1 and 10). If you have not read the book of Daniel you should! It's one of my favorite books. I did a Beth Moore Bible study with my two best friends on it a few years ago and it was amazing. The book starts with King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon overtaking Judah. Daniel was one of the Israelites taken to the King to be educated. The King gave them portions of his own food and wine. Here are few excerpts from the book of Daniel:

"But Daniel resolved that he would not defile himself with the king's food, or with the wine that he drank. Therefore, he asked the chief of the eunuchs to allow him not to defile himself. And God gave Daniel favor and compassion in the sight of the chief of eunuchs, and the chief of eunuchs said to Daniel, "I fear my lord the king, who assigned your food and your drink; for why should he see that you were in worse condition than your youths who are of your won age? So you would endanger my head with the king." Then Daniel said to the steward who the chief of eunuchs had assigned over Daniel, Hannaiah, Misheal, ad Azariah, "Test your servants for ten days; let us be given vegetable to eat and water to drink. Then let our appearance and the appearance of the youths who eat the king's food be observed by you, and deal with your servants according to what you see." So he listened to them in this matter, and tested them for ten days. At the end of ten days, it was seen that they were better in appearance and fatter in flesh than all the youth who ate the king's food." (Daniel 1:8-15)

The 10th chapter of Daniel reveals him to have a vision:

"In those days I, Daniel, was mourning for three weeks. I ate no delicacies, no meat or wine entered my mouth, nor did I anoint myself at all, for the full three weeks." (Daniel 10:2-3)

From these two passages, we get the guidelines for the Daniel Fast:

1. Eat only fruits and vegetables (or things grown from the earth)

2. Only water to drink

3. No preservatives or sweeteners or breads

4. Lasts for three weeks or 21-days

(check out http://daniel-fast.com/index.html for more information!)

I have never done such an intense fast before so it has been an eye-opening experience. I am on day 6 and it has already been very, VERY hard. My body and mind have been fighting me. It is obvious to me that I am very addicted to sugar. It would be scary if it wasn't so funny! I literally had to argue with myself on Friday to not eat doughnuts in the teacher's lounge. I must have looked insane staring at this box of doughnuts, whispering under my breath (No one would know! NO! BE STRONG! Oh come on...you lasted 4 days, that's good enough....WALK AWAY KIM!)

I'll be honest up front, I will be breaking my fast a couple times due to end of year parties and a bridal shower I'm going to, but I am hoping to hold to it until May 31st otherwise. It will be an interesting 2 more weeks as the first week has been incredibly difficult. Please pray for my spiritual growth and that my focus be on seeking God, not merely surviving a "diet." I am hoping this fast will jump start me into a healthier lifestyle when it is over! :)

Pray, Pray and Pray!

April was devoted to learning more about prayer. I was pretty discouraged with myself in my lack of discipline in prayer. My goal was to pray for a specific person each day and unfortunately that didn't happen. However, I did begin to form a habit of praying each morning and I know I can continue to work on it until it becomes a natural part of my day. Foster encouraged me in his chapter on prayer saying "we should remember that God always meets us where we are and slowly moves us into deeper things." (p. 35) That made me smile. I have always desired for a deeper prayer life and always get discouraged when I get lazy. Instead of giving up I should celebrate the small steps and continue to move forward with God.

I really enjoyed this chapter and found it to be a very helpful one on my spiritual journey of reflection. Foster emphasizes that of all the spiritual disciplines, prayer "is the most central as it ushers us into perpetual communion withe the Father." (p.33) He describes how it is often discouraging when we think our prayers won't make a difference, but Foster states that the Bible teaches us the importance of prayer and how we are working together with God through prayer.

Also, "real prayer is something we learn." (p.36) Foster studied all the references of prayer in the gospels and found that he was "determined to learn to pray so [his] experiences conformed to the words of Jesus rather that try to make His words conform to [his] impoverished experience." (p.37) In addition to scripture, Foster sought advice from others who had deep prayer lives and began praying for others immediately even though he didn't feel like he was "perfect" at prayer. He goes on to say that "one of the most critical aspects in learning to pray for others is to et in contact with God so that his life and power can flow through us into others." (p.38)

Foster also warns not to make prayer too complicated. He writes that "Jesus taught us to come like children to a father. Openness, honesty and trust mark the communication of children with their father." (p. 38) Foster shared a few stories about children and prayer. I was really touched by the example of his friend who taught emotionally-handicapped children who felt God wanted him to pray for his students. He did not tell the children he was doing this, he simply did it as he worked in the room with them. If a child had a hard time or a meltdown, he would simply pray over the child silently. By the end of the year, most of his students returned to the general education classroom. (p.42-43) Working in a public school does not mean your faith and prayer life cannot exist in your classroom. I pray for my students, but I continue to ask God for discipline to do it more often.

The greatest lesson I took from this chapter is that "we must never wait until we feel like praying before we pray for others" (p.45). I hope to remember this lesson each day.

Since we are in a new month, it is time for a new discipline! Fasting is next! I will be praying over the next few days of what kind of fast (food or something else) God would like me to do.

Thanks for reading!

From Meditation to Prayer

Can anyone else NOT believe it is already April?? I can't. This school year is just flying by! My year through the spiritual disciplines is also flying by! I am halfway through my year of transformation! :) I feel like I've entered a little slump the past few months in keeping up with this blog, but I hoping to get back on track!

March was Meditation month and though I didn't practice meditation as much as I had hoped, I feel like I got a lot out of studying it and attempting to practice it. Meditation was always a mystery to me and I generally saw it as a mystical religious practice of intense concentration. It seemed to difficult for me to even attempt. And honestly, I didn't see it as a "Christian thing."

Foster addressed the difference of Eastern and Christian meditation by saying that "eastern meditation is an attempt to empty the mind; Christian meditation is an attempt to fill the mind." (p. 20) This encouraged me because the idea of clearing my mind completely seemed incredibly too difficult. I am constantly battling an over-thinking brain. However, even though my goal in meditation is to fill the mind, it doesn't mean fill it with worries and to-do lists. Foster describes Christian meditation as "the ability to hear God's voice and obey his word" (p.17) and "in meditation we are growing into...a familiar friendship with Jesus." (p.19) Foster also mentions attachment and detachment saying we must work at "the detachment from the confusion all around us in order to have a richer attachment to God." (p. 21) I am constantly striving to better hear God's voice. One of my greatest struggles is "blocking" God out except in times of great distress and worry. My attitude was If I'm doing OK, I don't really feel like praying. Practicing meditation would not only deepen my intimacy with God, but it would prepare me for those dark times of despair ahead of time instead of scrambling to the surface when I feel as if I'm drowning.

One of my goals in meditation was to really meditate on the relationships I share with people in my family, circle of friends and workplace. It was really interesting to take a step back and think about how and why I interact with others the way I do and to also step into their shoes and try to understand why and how they may act toward me. I think it's a great exercise in helping you treat others with kindness and patience when you otherwise might want to bite their head off! ;-)

April is Prayer month and I am hoping to work more on meditation along with prayer. I will go into more detail about what I have learned about prayer at the end of the month, but here are my goals:

1. Choose a person/couple to pray for intentionally each day of the week (ex. Pray for Bob on Sundays, Lisa on Mondays, Ken and Tina on Tuesdays, etc.) leaving Saturdays free to pray for someone I feel led to pray for. I have chosen my 6 people/couples and I will start on Sunday! I hope I can continue to do this after April. I am such a calendar/to-do list person and I think this will help me be more consistent in my intercessory prayer.

2. Practice "Flash prayers" more intentionally - praying for the needs of others as you notice them.

3. Write in my prayer/gratitude journal at least twice a week (I have been doing once a week, but it often turns into once a month! Trying to be better about that....)

As always, thanks for reading friends!

Goals for Meditation

March is the month of meditation! Boy, this is the perfect month to be focusing on that. I have half the month off because of Spring Break so I have plenty of time to push away my busy world and focus on God. I'm also going camping with my best friend next week so I will be pushing away even MORE of my busy world. :)

Here are my goals this month:

1. Meditate at least once a week on the scriptures I have memorized so far this year. Sarah and I have started memorizing 1-2 verses a month so I want to review them and meditate on them this month. My verses are 2 Timothy 1:7, Romans 8:26, Isaiah 40:31, Psalm 34:1, John 15:5

2. Meditate on God's creation - that's where the camping comes in. :)

3. Start the day with meditation . Once I go back to work, instead of being on the computer so much in the morning, I want to start my day with Bible reading and a short meditation. I'm giving up facebook for Lent so that should HELP a lot! :) The main thing I want to focus on in these meditations is CONFIDENCE. I have been feeling less confident in myself lately and I want to focus myself on my identity in Christ.

4. Meditate on people - pay attention to others and myself. I want to really think about how and why I treat others the way I do.

I'll let you know how it goes at the end of the month and what all I have learned from Foster. As always, thanks for reading!! :)

Service

Well, I kind of dropped the ball this month on studying service. I've read most of the chapter but haven't done the questions from the book. And I didn't post my plan for the month. BUT I blame that on how incredibly BUSY February was and how it was also incredibly SHORT. I can also say that February was FULL of seeking to serve others more so I'm happy with myself. :)

I did want to share what I have learned so far from Foster on service. It is another great chapter!

Foster begins by distinguishing service from "self-righteous service." He describes that it:

• comes through human effort
• is impressed with the "big deal"
• requires external rewards
• is highly concerned about results
• picks and chooses whom to serve
• is affected by moods and whims
• is temporary, insensitive and fractures community (pp.128-129)

On the other hand, true service goes hand in hand with humility. "Nothing disciplines the inordinate desires of the flesh like service, and nothing transforms the desires of the flesh like serving in hiddenness." (p.130) "It is one thing to act like a servant; it is quite another to be a servant." (p.134) He goes on to describe how there are many different types of service.

• the service of hiddenness
• the service of small things
• the service of guarding the reputation of others
• the service of being served
• the service of common courtesy
• the service of hospitality
• the service of listening
• the service of bearing the burdens of others
• the service of sharing the word of Life with one another (pp.134-140)

Reading the descriptions of each of these types of service warmed my heart and amazed me. It's incredible how many small ways we can serve each other. Service should not be this huge, complicated showy mess. It is a humble offering. It is a chance to show others the Love of Christ. Jesus is our prime example of the servant leader who took to his knees to wash the feet of his disciples. I hope to view service as a way of life, not simply tasks to check off my to-do list.

Foster provided a prayer that I hope to begin praying each morning when I wake up. "Lord Jesus, as it would please you bring me someone today whom I can serve." (p.140)

Hoping to be more on top of things in March! :) I think the 2-week Spring Break coming up will help with that! Since I already began the inward disciplines, I'm going to jump back and finish them for the next three months. Up next: Meditation!

Nerd Alert!

Well, I am not surprised to find that I loved learning about study this past month. I'm a huge nerd. I love to read and studying God's word this month has been awesome. As I told you earlier, I am also a procrastinator....but I have been working really hard on not doing that in my study of the Bible. I just started a new Bible Study (Breaking Free with Beth Moore) with my two best friends and I am halfway through the homework! Yippee! We don't meet again until Sunday so I may actually finish it on time! Sarah and I are wrapping up our last Beth Moore study (Living the Fruits of the Spirit) and let's just say I hardly ever did the homework on time. It's been really awesome doing one a night. I'm finding that I enjoy it more when it's spread out and I can actually take in what I'm learning. Imagine that!

I have also been trying to pay attention to the little things in my life...but of course, that's been harder than it looks. I enjoyed playing in the snow with Sarah's puppy this morning. It was wonderful to see how excited she was to romp around in it! She just ran and ran and ran in circles around me. I wish I could get that excited about nature! God's creation is amazing! I pray that everyone reading has been able to stay safe and warm during this crazy cold!

Finally, I have definitely been studying myself and how I interact with those around me. As always, there's much room for improvement. Negativity is definitely one of my struggles and I have really tried to see what triggers this tendency:

1. Being tired - I am definitely in a better mood when I get a good's night rest. My stupid allergies have been keeping me up the past few weeks, but for the past few days I have been sleeping much better and I can tell a huge improvement in my mood and how I treat others.

2. Focusing on myself and my troubles- when I get wrapped up in my "little problems" my mood plummets. Everything looks bleak and everyone seems out to get me. It's amazing how self-absorbed I can get...it's also funny that it took a little self-reflection to realize this. haha Also, I can tell a huge difference in my mood when I am serving others. I have been working in the nursery at church in January and even though it's been hard, I am always in a good mood after I leave. It's wonderful to help others and focus on them instead of your own life. Plus, 2-year olds are just adorable. :)

3. Shutting God out/believing lies- I actually had a couple breakdowns a few weeks ago where I just cried and cried and cried. Instead of crying out to God, I believed horrible lies about my friends and myself and fell into the trap of self-pity. I really hope to get into the habit of praying every day so it will be natural for me to turn to God in prayer when I am feeling down.

Once again, I had another awesome month. I love learning more about these disciplines and I love sharing it with you! Thanks for reading....coming up....SERVICE! :)

Study

Well, I meant to update this a few weeks ago, but life and procrastination got in the way! Oh well, better late than never I say! :) I also made a slight mistake in going to study next. I thought it was the final outward discipline, but in fact, it is an inward discipline. So I am taking a different course than I intended!

This month is all about the discipline of study. I have a love/hate relationship with studying. Throughout school I was always an excellent student and I loved to learn. I was a nerd (I admit it proudly) and I was always excited about school. However, I was also a huge procrastinator. I was one of those people who waited until the day before a huge exam or a huge paper and stayed up reeeeally late to do it. My lowest moment was finals week of my senior year of college in the fall semester. I was super sick and had a ton to do. I had so much that I did not one, but TWO all-nighters. YUCK! I survived though. I worked well under pressure, I suppose.

I enjoyed reading about study. Foster writes that the purpose of these disciplines is the "total transformation of the person. The aim at replacing old destructive habits of thoughts with new life-giving habits." (p. 62) He says that study is a prime example of this. In this new year, I am hoping to get into the habit of studying the Bible each day. I struggle with negative thoughts and emotions at times, and I know that God's word can be my greatest weapon against these things. My best friend and I have started a challenge for the year 2011 in memorizing 2 verses a month for this year. We keep each other accountable and check in at the beginning and middle of each month. I am on my second verse and I already am seeing results in my thought process. Even just focusing on one verse can be very powerful.

Foster writes about the four steps of study, and I have tried to use them in helping memorize my verses.

1. Repetition

2. Concentration

3. Comprehension

4. Reflection

In addition to applying these steps in memorizing my verses, I have been trying to apply it to my daily BIble reading. At the end of 2010, I had read through the Bible for the second time. However, once again, it was in huge chunks and not each day. I got into the bad habit of not reading for a few months and then catching up over a few weeks and then starting over again. Learning about study this month has really pushed me to strive to read the Bible each day. Reading huge chunks of the Bible at once leaves no room for concentration, comprehension and especially not reflection.

Foster also tells about how we should place high priority in the "interpretation" of scripture, not solely the "application" of it to our lives (p.69) Foster states that many people rush to the application stage. "They want to know what it means for them before they know what it means!" (p. 69) I pray God will help me this year to really soak in His word and focus on what it means as a whole, not just how it applies to me.

In addition to Scripture and other books of Christian literature, Foster talks about the study of "nonverbal" books. He begins by talking about nature saying merely we need to PAY ATTENTION. (p. 73) I can't even count all the times I have been so wrapped up in "life" or my to-do list that I have failed to notice the beautiful sunrise on my commute to work. Or I have missed a rainbow after a rainstorm because I am too busy complaining about my busy life. I am in great need of studying nature and just being out in God's creation with Him.

Foster also encourages us to study human relationships including ours with our family, friends and neighbors. He warns not to do this with judgment, but simply with the desire to learn. We should also study ourselves: "We should learn the things that control us. We observe our inner feelings and mood swings. What controls our moods? Why do we like certain people and dislike others? What do these things teach us about ourselves?" (p.75)

This chapter was very short, but full of great advice for training my mind and spirit. I pray God will continue to transform me and change my bad habits to good. Foster ends the chapter saying "study produces joy." I already have a joyful attitude toward most studying and I hope to grow it in my study of scripture, nature and people.

Thanks for reading!

Hi Kim, it's me, God!

Well, after a month of praying and thinking about submission, I realize that I have a long ways to go. Sometimes it's hard for me to know where God wants me and what He wants me to do....and other times I know exactly what to do, but I just don't want to. It's so hard to give up that desire to be in control and have your own way. What a blessing it is to put others before yourself. I pray 2011 will be the year of OTHERS for me. I'm so sick of my self-obsessed nature. Jesus commanded us to love the Lord our God AND love our neighbors as ourselves. I have not done either well. I am earnestly seeking for God to transform my heart to love like Him.

It was interesting to focus more on how I treated others this month. I was surprised (and saddened) to see how often I chose myself over others. I also saw this horrible habit rear its ugly head when I was home with my family. Why is it so much easier to treat others with kindness and patience, but turn around and treat your own family horribly. I know I need to show my family more love and respect. I mean, no offense to anyone else, but I have the best family EVER! Seriously. Your parents may be alright, but mine are the BEST! :) I realize more and more each day how blessed I am to have them and my younger brother. I ask for God to help show me where I need to "grow up" in regards to my relationship with them. I love you Mama and Daddy and Mark!

God really revealed to me how he wants to change my life. In many ways. Now I have a lifetime to tackle them, but I know He wants me to get started....uhh, TODAY! I wanted to share the main ones with you that I felt God reveal to me this month.

1. GET HEALTHY! - As I told you a few months ago, my cholesterol was way too high. I recently got the results from my recent blood work back and my cholesterol went down 30 points! HOORAY! Now, I am in the normal level BUT my HDL (good cholesterol) is way to low and my LDL (bad) is WAY WAY too high. I want to continue to make healthier eating choices and I want to get into a CONSISTENT workout routine. I have made a goal to lose 15 pounds by August (maid of honor time! haha) I want to get back to my college weight. High school weight seems to lofty haha! I'll keep you updated on how that's going!

2. STUDY HIS WORD - I just finished reading the Bible through for the 2nd time, but I honestly feel like I retained nothing. I got into the bad habit of not reading for a few months and then reading HUGE chunks at a time to catch up. I want to continue to reading the Bible in a year, but I want to actually read small amounts each day so I actually retain something! :)

3. INTIMACY WITH GOD - This is one God has been trying to work with me on for...umm...FOREVER! My prayer life is well, inconsistent and usually involves despair. I want to meet with God in times of gladness and sadness. In an effort to help me along, I got a gratitude prayer journal. My plan is start out with once a week and hopefully work up to daily.

4. GIVE UP CONTROL - Yeah, I tend to give God control on "some" things in my life, but not others....one BIG one in particular (relationships)....

Well, my friends. I hope you had a wonderful New Year's Eve and I look forward to sharing more of my journey in 2011. I will be back soon to tell you about January's discipline-STUDY! :) (the nerd in me is super excited about this month!)

Submission

I have to be honest - I wasn't thrilled with the idea of focusing on submission. I have always had this distorted view of submission as a bad thing. I just saw it as a form of oppression (men over women, master over slave, etc.) After reading this chapter I realize how incredibly wrong I was. I really think this may be my favorite discipline so far.

Foster starts off saying that the whole reason we have discipline is freedom. He writes that "every Discipline has its corresponding freedom. What freedom corresponds to submission? It is the ability to lay down the terrible burden of always needing to get our own way."

Wow. How incredibly difficult and wonderful that sounds. It has really been interesting to look at how I interact with others and think about how often I want "to get my own way." God asks us to let go of our need to be right and allow us to focus our concern on Him and our neighbors.

I have definitely found the most difficult place for me to "submit" is at work. It's so tempting to complain and moan and grown when I don't get my way. Or to gossip and look down on others who I think are making my life (and even their own life) miserable. I pray God can continue to mold my heart into a servant's heart, especially at work. There are so many little things that get me down at work that don't matter. Instead, I should be seeking out opportunities to serve the needs of others instead of complaining about how my needs are being met.

Foster says the best way to handle matters of submission is to say nothing. Another hard one for me. I definitely don't have as much trouble in the moment with a person in saying nothing. But I do tend to complain or worry or analyze about people or situations I can't control. How wonderful it would be to just say nothing and let it go.

I hope to seek out ways to show my submission to others. And I don't just mean to those "in authority." Foster lists 7 Acts of Submission:

1. Triune God

2. Scripture

3. Family

4. Neighbors, people in daily life

5. Believing community

6. Broken and despised

7. The World

This month I wanted to focus on two areas of submission. I desperately want to seek more time with God (especially in solitude) in daily prayer where I simply listen for His will. The other area I want to focus on is my neighbors and those I interact with on a daily basis.

I will end with a verse from Philippians that kind of sums up where I am seeking my heart to go:

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interest of others." (Phillipians 2:3-4)

From Solitude to Submission

Well, it's month three of my Discipline adventure. Month 2 on Solitude did not go as well as month 1 of Simplicity, but like I said at the beginning, this year is not about "mastering" each discipline in a month. It's about jump-starting my desire to work at them for the rest of my life. I also think God really wants me to work on simplifying my life and finances and direct them more towards Him so I got more out of that month.

I am finding that each discipline is interconnected with the other disciplines so I have may more chances to work on all of them. EXCITING! I was able to do a whole day of not speaking and that was incredibly convicting. I really saw how much I depend on speech to defend myself, complain, whine, gossip....it was actually quite liberating to just sit and listen all day.

I have read the chapter on Submission, my next discipline, and I am very excited about this month. I will definitely be seeking out more times of solitude this month. I look forward to sharing more with you, but I have been sick all weekend so I'm little tired and out of it so I'll be signing off!

Thanks for reading! :)

Solitude

Well, after a week of studying the discipline of solitude, I wanted to share with you what I have learned.

Foster starts this chapter off saying "Jesus calls us from loneliness to solitude." (p.96) Boy, do I need that! This chapter honestly scared me a little as I really struggle with being alone. I suffer from depression and it rears its ugly head ferociously when I have been alone for long periods of time. I'm an extrovert - I feel energized after spending time with people. My thoughts turn sad and dark when I feel loneliness creep upon me. It's not a fun place to be. So naturally, I wasn't thrilled with the idea of practicing solitude. But this just showed me how important this discipline is for me to learn and I am glad to be doing it for my second month. I feel it will strengthen my ability to practice the inward disciplines, especially prayer and meditation.

My fear of studying solitude quickly disappeared as I read this chapter more thoroughly. I was excited to see how working on the discipline of solitude could actually help with my depression. Foster writes later that "we can cultivate an inner solitude and silence that sets us free from loneliness and fear. Loneliness is inner emptiness. Solitude is inner fulfillment." (p. 96) I LOVE that last sentence: inner fulfillment. My time alone does not have to be spent worrying about tomorrow or wishing I was spending time with someone else. My time alone can be spent being filled with the Spirit of God.

Foster also emphasizes that we should not seek constant solitude. You need both fellowship and solitude in your life. He writes that "we must seek out the recreating stillness of solitude if we want to be with others meaningfully." (p. 98) It's all about balance, my friends. That seems to be my theme for this year. Balance. :)

I am looking forward to this month, but I know it will be difficult. Please pray for me! Here is what I have decided as my goals for this month -

1. Take a break from facebook for the rest of November. I feel like facebook is mainly just a way for me to CONSTANTLY be in contact with people. Just another way to never be alone. I don't want to quit it completely because I feel like it's an excellent way to keep in touch with people and connect with people from my past. But I do need a break. This also relates to the discipline of simplicity as facebook really does complicate my life at times....wasting away precious hours. :)

2. Take advantage of "little solitudes" I find throughout the day. Foster gives the examples of sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic or the moments before you get up in the morning or slipping outside to enjoy the night before going to bed. He writes that "these tiny snatches of time are often lost to us....they are little moments that help us to be genuinely present where we are." (p. 106) I have several little solitudes (before AM duty, lunch break, planning period) during the school day I could take advantage of and use to rejuvenate. I pray God will help me use them more wisely! :)

3. Take 3-4 prayer walks this month. I find it so hard to pray to God and really LISTEN to Him when I am just sitting or laying in my bed. I would love to take time to walk out in God's creation and seek His heart.

4. Try to live one ENTIRE day without words at all. This one will be a toughie. :) I love to talk. I love to text and email and chat and call and laugh and....well, you get the picture. I think it would be INCREDIBLY interesting to see how a day goes without using any words or form of communication. Obviously, I couldn't do this while teaching. :) HAH! That would be hilarious though. I do have a couple bossy kids I could put in charge, but I doubt that would last for the whole day. My plan is to do this on Saturday, November 20th. If you think about it, pray for me on that day. Pray that I am able to hear from God and really clear my head from all the distractions of life. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes. :)

Well, once again, thanks for reading friends! I'll be sure to keep you updated as the month goes on. This should be another great month!

From Simplicity to Solitude

Well, I made it through one month of discipline-mania! :) I am really glad I started out with simplicity. I learned so much about how seeking God's Kingdom first and laying all my anxieties at His feet truly simplifies my life. I still have a long way to go, but I feel ready to make more changes in mu everyday life.

My shopping fast was a huge eye opener. For one, my bank account is MUCH larger than it usually is at the first of the month. My credit card bill was about a third of last month's. It's incredible how much I spent on stuff I obviously didn't need. I went shopping with a friend on Sunday and it was amazing how my mindset had changed in what I thought I "needed" to get. I am hoping this will stay with me. This fast also showed me that when I'm bored or stressed, there are many other ways I can spend my time beside shopping. :) I also found I can even go to a store and GASP! not buy anything.

There is plenty I still want to work on even though the months is over. I am still praying about how God wants me to give to others more both financially and with my own time. I also need to continue to not be anxious about ANYTHING and give it all to GOd in prayer.

I am very excited about this year since this first month was so awesome! Stay tuned for my plans in November with SOLITUDE. :)

Keeping it Simple

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life... can any of your worrying add a single hour to your span of life?... Therefore do not worry saying, "What will we eat?" or "What will we drink" or "What will we wear?"... indeed your heavenly Father knows you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (Selected verses from Matthew 6:25-33)

This has been the theme verse of my first week of focusing on simplicity. Foster emphasized it in the simplicity chapter. He talked about how we should not live in anxiety. If we are seeking the kingdom of God we will not be anxious. This was definitely a lesson I needed to be re-taught on. Over and over.

My first week or so of my journey has been awesome. I have really enjoyed reflecting on what it means to live simply. Just the simple of act of giving up "fun" shopping has been an eye-opener. It has only been 10 days and it has been a struggle! It was probably ten times worse that I am off of work so I have had a lot more free time. There were so many times this past week I have wanted to go browse Target or check out some new shoes at DSW. But I DIDN'T so I celebrate that. It really showed me what a bad habit I have gotten myself into. I hope to keep this lesson in my heart after this month is over.

As I continue this month, I will be praying about ways to give. Not just in the monetary sense, however I need to become more faithful in that area.

As always, thanks for reading!

Simplicity

In "Celebration of Discipline", Richard Foster begins the chapter on simplicity by writing, "Simplicity is freedom." (p. 79) Isn't that so true? Sometimes I feel the gadgets "supposed" to make our lives easier, the clothes that are "supposed" to make us look cooler and the things we are "supposed" to have just make our lives more complicated and difficult. Reading this chapter on simplicity was very convicting. I struggle constantly with worshipping material items and using shopping as an escape from stress, anxiety or even boredom. I feel strongly that God wishes me to address these issues in my first month of study.

Foster writes that "the Christian Discipline of simplicity is an inward reality that results in an outward life-style." (p. 79) Foster writes about three inner attitudes and ten controlling principles for the outward expression of simplicity. He does warn that simplicity can turn into idolatry itself and legalism if taken too far. Balance is the key to achieving simplicity.

Foster emphasizes that "The central point for the Discipline of simplicity is to seek the kingdom of God and the righteousness of his kingdom FIRST and then everything necessary will come in its proper order." (p. 86) Our focal point must be God and His kingdom....not simplicity itself. "To receive what we have as a gift from God is the first inner attitude of simplicity...to know that it is God's business, and not ours, to care for what we have is the second inner attitude...[and] to have our goods available to others marks the third inner attitude of simplicity" (p. 88-89)

His list of outward expressions of simplicity were very inspiring and I have decided to use them as guidelines for my first month of study (and hopefully beyond this first month!):

1. Buy things for usefulness rather than status (p. 90)

2. Reject anything you have become addicted to (p. 90)

3. Get into the habit of giving things away (p.91)

4. Don't give into getting all the "new gadgets" (p.92)

5. Enjoy things without having to own them (p. 93)

6. Appreciate nature and God's creating (p.93)

7. Be wary of "buy now, pay later" schemes (p. 94)

8. Use "plain, honest speech" (p.94)

9. Don't buy or use anything that promotes oppression of others (p.95)

10. Get rid of anything that distracts you from seeking first the kingdom of God (p.96)

These are just guidelines of course, and as Foster warned, I don't want to take these too strictly. A couple goals I have for October are: 1. No shopping for myself besides groceries/toiletries. 2. Get rid of things I don't need/use 3. Look at what I spend my time doing/using and see if anything is an unhealthy addiction

I'll let you know how it is going at the end of the month. Thanks for reading!

Thanks God :)

God is truly good. It is amazing how He speaks to me and reaffirms me. Just yesterday he affirmed my desire to study the disciplines this next year. I was at Half Priced Books with my mom and was looking through the Christian book section. There on the shelf was a Celebration of Discipline workbook to accompany the book. There are sections on each discipline and it is structured so you can do it for 12 weeks or, you guessed it, 12 months. It is also flexible that you do not have to do the disciplines in any specific order. Amazing.

I have decided to update twice each month on my journey. At the beginning of the month I will talk about the discipline and what I hope to do and learn. At the end of the month I will share what I have learned and what other questions arose from my study. I'm very excited and I hope you will stay with me on this. :)

I will update soon about simplicity, but now I have much more to read so I will get back with you soon.

I'm ready for a change! Let the games begin!

I have decided to change my life! :)

How will you do this, Kim? You might be asking yourself. Well, readers, I plan to do this one day at a time for a year. Have you ever read Celebrations of Discipline by Richard Foster? If you haven't, stop reading my blog and go read it right now!

OK, have you read it? Good. It's a pretty amazing book. My wonderful cousin, Amanda got it for me as a high school graduation gift and I read it way back in the year 2004 (that was 6 years ago people!!) but I definitely did not get everything out of it I thought I could. A few years ago I picked it up to read again and read a few chapters. For those of you who did not follow my directions earlier (shame on you!) and have not read the book, each chapter covers a different discipline. For me, the book shows how discipline must be worked at constantly in order to achieve more depth in our spirituality and relationship with God.

I have decided to read this book again, but in a much different way. There are 13 chapters, one of which is an introduction to the spiritual disciplines. That leaves 12! (Yay 1st grade math!) Since there are 12 months in a year, I got a bright idea. WHY NOT FOCUS ON ONE DISCIPLINE A MONTH! Wowee! What an idea. So that's what I plan to do faithful blog readers. I will choose one discipline to study and implement in my life more intentionally. I figure I can handle reading one chapter in a month, right? (This from the girl that reads 4 or 5 books at a time. haha)

Foster separates the disciplines into three categories: the inward disciplines, the outward disciplines and the corporate disciplines. The inward disciplines include meditation, prayer, fasting and study. The outward disciplines include simplicity, solitude, submission, service. The corporate disciplines include confession, worship, guidance and celebration.

My plan is to focus on one discipline each month by first reading the chapter on that discipline at the beginning of the month and praying about how God wants me to implement it in my life. I won't necessarily go in order of the book, but see where God leads me on this journey. I am a very task-oriented person and even in my spiritual life I need structure. I know this won't be a "to-do" list where at the end of each month I'll be like "Yes! I mastered worship! Now on to prayer!" I just feel like I need to take a step back and really dive in deeper to each of these disciplines. I am really excited about it and hope you will go on this journey with me. I will always update at the first of the month to let you know what I will be working on, but I will also continue to write about random things because I love the randomness. :)

Now, for October I have decided to focus on....

SIMPLICITY!

I really feel like that's where God wants me to start. I have felt just a heaviness of "extra baggage" on my shoulders and I want God to simplify my life. I want to follow Him and worship Him only. Stay tuned for more on simplicity.