35 Years

Happy Anniversary to my wonderful parents! :) 35 years and still going strong!

My Best Friend's Wedding

fI haven't blogged in a while and a lot of that is due to all the festivities leading up to my BFF's wedding last weekend. It was a WONDERFUL wedding and I still can't believe it's over. I wanted to share a few photos:

Me and the lovely bride

Me and the wonderful couple

Me and the Sherwins :)

I was blessed to be Sarah's maid of honor, and it was a wonderful experience. I consider Sarah to be my sister so I knew this would be an emotional day. I did not expect to get as emotional as I did during the ceremony (I was crying non-stop!) BUT I guess I got it all out early on because I made it through my toast with no tears. :)

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Kim, Sarah’s best friend and college roommate. Growing up, I always wanted a sister. I was blessed to have a little brother, but God chose to not give me a sister until I was 18 years old. I met Sarah my freshman year of college at Southwestern University when she moved into my dorm room after we both were in need of new roommates. I’d love to tell you that we were BFF at first sight, but that first semester together was pretty awkward. But don’t worry, as you can tell, that didn’t last. We have lived together ever since that fateful day in the Spring semester of our freshman year. (Well, actually, we did not technically live together our junior years but we were at each other’s apartments almost every day so I still count it.) We were inseparable and most of my best college memories involve her: living in the God quad, riding yellow pirate bikes, camping with Phi Lambs, road trips to Nomads, praying with Allison and meals in the commons. My favorite memory is when we would perform and make up songs together including our original song “Why Don’t Boys Like Us.” (Ask me later if you want to hear the whole song, it’s amazing!)

Now almost 7 years later, I am standing here at her wedding. I knew it wouldn’t take long for the “right boy” to like Sarah. She is an incredible person and a wonderful friend. Her friendship has literally been a godsend in my life, at a time when I desperately needed it. She has been with me during all of the low points and high points of my adult life. Honestly, she helped me navigate my way into adulthood. She’s one of the first people I want to share any type of news with, and I can spend hours talking to her. Needless to say, I have always been apprehensive of ANYONE coming close to being worthy of marrying her. I even made a list of requirements for her future husband, but Kevin passed all my tests with flying colors.

Kevin and Sarah are both very blessed to have each other. I have been honored to have known them throughout their whole relationship: from their first date, all the way through their engagement and now at their wedding. They have such a special relationship built on love, trust and lots of laughter. I have no doubt that their marriage will be amazing and bear much fruit...including kids. I can’t wait to meet your little Kimmy Jr. I mean, your kids are going to have two aunt Kim’s so I think it’s only right you name your first girl after us.

May God bless your journey together! To Sarah and Kevin!

Me giving the toast

I think they liked it :)

I Confess....

Last month, I studied the discipline of confession. I have to confess (hah hah) that I wasn't very excited about this one. Mainly because it was one of the corporate disciplines, and I wasn't too keen on confessing to someone. I have always struggled with letting others see my faults and sins. In this chapter, Foster writes that "we feel that everyone else has advanced so far into holiness that we are isolated and alone in our sin. We cannot bear to reveal our failures and shortcomings to others. We imagine that we are the only ones who have not stepped onto the high road to heaven. Therefore, we hid ourselves from one another and live in veiled lies and hypocrisy" (p.145). It saddens me to think I feel paralyzed in sharing my burdens with others. God did not place us on this earth to live alone in isolation. "We are freed to hear the unconditional call of God's love and to confess our needs openly before our brothers and sisters. We know we are not alone in our sin....in acts of mutual confession we release the power that heals" (p. 145-146).

I was unsure of what to "do" this month for confession. Foster gave an amazing example in his book of a diary of confession (pp. 149-150). Basically, after prayer and meditation, he wrote down anything that came to mind that needed healing and forgiveness from his childhood. The next day, he did the same thing for his adolescence, and finally he wrote down anything from his adulthood. Later he brought his writings to a trusted friend and shared what he wrote with him. Then his friend took the paper, ripped it up and prayer over him. I decided to do the same thing and I brought my writing to one of my best friends, Allison. It was extremely difficult for me to be so open and vulnerable, but I cannot tell you how free I felt afterward. It's amazing how much guilt and shame I had carried around "hiding" these struggles and sins.

It is so amazing that God has given us the ability to listen to others and forgive in His name. Foster emphasizes that private confession is just as valid, but there is a sweet freedom in sharing our burdens with others. Foster writes that "the Scripture teaches us that all believers are priests before God: 'You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood' (1Peter 2:9)" (p. 147). Foster quotes Dietrich Bonhoeffer who writes that "a man who confesses his sins in the presence of a brother knows that he is no longer alone with himself; he experiences the presence of God in the reality of the other person" (p.148). I am so thankful I was able to share my sins with Allison. I felt God speaking through her to me, and it was incredible.

Now that it is July, I am on to the discipline of worship. I have decided for July I will only listen to worship music in the car and while I work out. I also want to work on playing the piano and guitar more. I'll let you know how it goes!

Thanks for reading friends! :)

Fasting and Confession

This whole summer vacation thing has distracted me from my blogging! It's amazing how easily I fall back into the habit of being lazy. :) I did want to update you on what I learned about fasting (mainly, that it is HARD and I definitely need more practice)

I stopped the Daniel Fast at the beginning of June. The first half of it went really well, but I cheated a few times during the last half. It is incredible how hard it is for me to eat only fruits and vegetables. BUT it was very rewarding. I can already see a change in my eating habits (eating more fruits and vegetables, choosing healthier options, not snacking as much). On the spiritual side, I have really tried to focus on why I turn to eating for my emotional needs.

Although this fast was a great experience, I do not feel as I used it as a spiritual experience as much as a physical one. In his chapter on fasting, Foster writes that "throughout scripture fasting refers to abstaining from food for spiritual purposes" (p. 48). Although eating healthier and trying to lose weight is a noble thing to do, Foster reminds the reader that fasting centers on the spiritual, not physical. He states that "fasting must forever center on God. It must be God-initiated and God-ordained." (p. 54) Along with this central purpose, "fasting reveals the things that control us...we cover what is inside us with food and other good things, but in fasting these things surface....anger, bitterness, jealousy, strife, fear." (p.55) King David writes in Psalm 69:10, "I humbled my soul with fasting." I actually experienced this in the first week of my fast. Emotions came to the surface that I had buried for months.

In addition to revealing the things that controls us, "fasting reminds us that we are sustained 'by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God' (Matt. 4:4). Food does not sustain us; God sustains us." (p. 55) It is humbling to realize how sovereign our God is and how He supports us. Foster writes that "fasting helps us keep our balance in life," (p. 56) and I definitely agree. This discipline, as all the others, has pointed out that I am a work in progress, and that I should continue to seek God in all aspects of my life.

He concludes the chapter with different ways to practice fasting. I will hope to continue with the practice in different ways, and I definitely want to try the Daniel fast again. He does mention that you should not call attention to your fasting so no more blog posts on that subject! :) It will be interesting to look back at my first few attempts of fasting and see how I have matured.

This month I am studying confession, and I must say, it has been the most difficult discipline for me. I will share more of my learning with you in a few weeks. As always, thanks for reading!

Daniel Fast BREAK!

Well, I took a (3-day) mini-break from my Daniel fast for this weekend because of a bridal shower out of town I went to and I didn't want to deal with food issues. Now that I'm back home, it's back to fasting! I had done 10 days before my break so that means I have 11 to go....up through June 2nd! The sad thing is, my stomach has felt so much better this weekend than it had those first ten days of the fast. So basically I have very little motivation to get back on it. I know that deep down I really want to finish it. I just never imagined it would be this hard.

Here we go again!

Daniel Fast

I am right in the middle of my study of the discipline of fasting. I have tried fasting over the years during lent dealing with both food (sweets and fried food) and non-food things (facebook, shopping). I decided to try the 21-day Daniel fast for this month. Food has always been an issue for me....I am definitely not overweight, but I do know that I do not have a healthy diet. My cholesterol is high and I have gained about 30 pounds since high school (15 since the end of college). Food also affects me emotionally as I tend to turn to food depending on my mood: if I'm happy, I may indulge in an extra dessert or if I'm sad I may turn to snacking on unhealthy items. I do feel like I place too much value on food. I wanted to take these 3 weeks to not only cleanse my body of unhealthy toxins, but also look at how my obsession with food affects my spiritual life.

For those of you who have not heard of it, the Daniel fast is a 21-day fast based on the account of Daniel in the Bible. (specifically Daniel 1 and 10). If you have not read the book of Daniel you should! It's one of my favorite books. I did a Beth Moore Bible study with my two best friends on it a few years ago and it was amazing. The book starts with King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon overtaking Judah. Daniel was one of the Israelites taken to the King to be educated. The King gave them portions of his own food and wine. Here are few excerpts from the book of Daniel:

"But Daniel resolved that he would not defile himself with the king's food, or with the wine that he drank. Therefore, he asked the chief of the eunuchs to allow him not to defile himself. And God gave Daniel favor and compassion in the sight of the chief of eunuchs, and the chief of eunuchs said to Daniel, "I fear my lord the king, who assigned your food and your drink; for why should he see that you were in worse condition than your youths who are of your won age? So you would endanger my head with the king." Then Daniel said to the steward who the chief of eunuchs had assigned over Daniel, Hannaiah, Misheal, ad Azariah, "Test your servants for ten days; let us be given vegetable to eat and water to drink. Then let our appearance and the appearance of the youths who eat the king's food be observed by you, and deal with your servants according to what you see." So he listened to them in this matter, and tested them for ten days. At the end of ten days, it was seen that they were better in appearance and fatter in flesh than all the youth who ate the king's food." (Daniel 1:8-15)

The 10th chapter of Daniel reveals him to have a vision:

"In those days I, Daniel, was mourning for three weeks. I ate no delicacies, no meat or wine entered my mouth, nor did I anoint myself at all, for the full three weeks." (Daniel 10:2-3)

From these two passages, we get the guidelines for the Daniel Fast:

1. Eat only fruits and vegetables (or things grown from the earth)

2. Only water to drink

3. No preservatives or sweeteners or breads

4. Lasts for three weeks or 21-days

(check out http://daniel-fast.com/index.html for more information!)

I have never done such an intense fast before so it has been an eye-opening experience. I am on day 6 and it has already been very, VERY hard. My body and mind have been fighting me. It is obvious to me that I am very addicted to sugar. It would be scary if it wasn't so funny! I literally had to argue with myself on Friday to not eat doughnuts in the teacher's lounge. I must have looked insane staring at this box of doughnuts, whispering under my breath (No one would know! NO! BE STRONG! Oh come on...you lasted 4 days, that's good enough....WALK AWAY KIM!)

I'll be honest up front, I will be breaking my fast a couple times due to end of year parties and a bridal shower I'm going to, but I am hoping to hold to it until May 31st otherwise. It will be an interesting 2 more weeks as the first week has been incredibly difficult. Please pray for my spiritual growth and that my focus be on seeking God, not merely surviving a "diet." I am hoping this fast will jump start me into a healthier lifestyle when it is over! :)

Pray, Pray and Pray!

April was devoted to learning more about prayer. I was pretty discouraged with myself in my lack of discipline in prayer. My goal was to pray for a specific person each day and unfortunately that didn't happen. However, I did begin to form a habit of praying each morning and I know I can continue to work on it until it becomes a natural part of my day. Foster encouraged me in his chapter on prayer saying "we should remember that God always meets us where we are and slowly moves us into deeper things." (p. 35) That made me smile. I have always desired for a deeper prayer life and always get discouraged when I get lazy. Instead of giving up I should celebrate the small steps and continue to move forward with God.

I really enjoyed this chapter and found it to be a very helpful one on my spiritual journey of reflection. Foster emphasizes that of all the spiritual disciplines, prayer "is the most central as it ushers us into perpetual communion withe the Father." (p.33) He describes how it is often discouraging when we think our prayers won't make a difference, but Foster states that the Bible teaches us the importance of prayer and how we are working together with God through prayer.

Also, "real prayer is something we learn." (p.36) Foster studied all the references of prayer in the gospels and found that he was "determined to learn to pray so [his] experiences conformed to the words of Jesus rather that try to make His words conform to [his] impoverished experience." (p.37) In addition to scripture, Foster sought advice from others who had deep prayer lives and began praying for others immediately even though he didn't feel like he was "perfect" at prayer. He goes on to say that "one of the most critical aspects in learning to pray for others is to et in contact with God so that his life and power can flow through us into others." (p.38)

Foster also warns not to make prayer too complicated. He writes that "Jesus taught us to come like children to a father. Openness, honesty and trust mark the communication of children with their father." (p. 38) Foster shared a few stories about children and prayer. I was really touched by the example of his friend who taught emotionally-handicapped children who felt God wanted him to pray for his students. He did not tell the children he was doing this, he simply did it as he worked in the room with them. If a child had a hard time or a meltdown, he would simply pray over the child silently. By the end of the year, most of his students returned to the general education classroom. (p.42-43) Working in a public school does not mean your faith and prayer life cannot exist in your classroom. I pray for my students, but I continue to ask God for discipline to do it more often.

The greatest lesson I took from this chapter is that "we must never wait until we feel like praying before we pray for others" (p.45). I hope to remember this lesson each day.

Since we are in a new month, it is time for a new discipline! Fasting is next! I will be praying over the next few days of what kind of fast (food or something else) God would like me to do.

Thanks for reading!

Lent is OVER!

Well, I survived 6 weeks without facebook. It was actually not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. Honestly for most of it I didn't even notice. What I did notice was that I had a lot more free time, I read a lot more, and I got more done at work during planning time. Go figure. :) I did return to facebook today and even though it was awesome to take a break, I don't think I'll be getting rid of it completely anytime soon. I love staying in touch with people through it and seeing what everyone is up to! I'm glad to be back Facebook....but it's always nice to take a break from you every once in a while.

Shopping was a little bit harder to let go than facebook, but ultimately it was also very rewarding. I have not gone shopping yet, but I'm sure I will sometime this week. It was eye-opening to see how I was tempted to shop when I had free time or was bored. Plus, I saved more money, gave more money away and got rid of a lot of stuff without replacing it with more stuff. Having this fast from shopping helped me see the importance of thinking about what I spend my money on. I hope to continue this mindset as I go into stores asking myself: Do I really need this? or Can I get rid of something to replace this with?

While I was home visiting my parents this weekend, I was going through my old room and helping my mom get rid of things around her house. Fasting from facebook and shopping made me think about the "clutter" in my life both literally and figuratively. Every day I desire to have a more "simple" life that is focused on Jesus and not on "things." This Lenten season reaffirmed this desire and I hope it continues to grow.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter! He is RISEN! :)

From Meditation to Prayer

Can anyone else NOT believe it is already April?? I can't. This school year is just flying by! My year through the spiritual disciplines is also flying by! I am halfway through my year of transformation! :) I feel like I've entered a little slump the past few months in keeping up with this blog, but I hoping to get back on track!

March was Meditation month and though I didn't practice meditation as much as I had hoped, I feel like I got a lot out of studying it and attempting to practice it. Meditation was always a mystery to me and I generally saw it as a mystical religious practice of intense concentration. It seemed to difficult for me to even attempt. And honestly, I didn't see it as a "Christian thing."

Foster addressed the difference of Eastern and Christian meditation by saying that "eastern meditation is an attempt to empty the mind; Christian meditation is an attempt to fill the mind." (p. 20) This encouraged me because the idea of clearing my mind completely seemed incredibly too difficult. I am constantly battling an over-thinking brain. However, even though my goal in meditation is to fill the mind, it doesn't mean fill it with worries and to-do lists. Foster describes Christian meditation as "the ability to hear God's voice and obey his word" (p.17) and "in meditation we are growing into...a familiar friendship with Jesus." (p.19) Foster also mentions attachment and detachment saying we must work at "the detachment from the confusion all around us in order to have a richer attachment to God." (p. 21) I am constantly striving to better hear God's voice. One of my greatest struggles is "blocking" God out except in times of great distress and worry. My attitude was If I'm doing OK, I don't really feel like praying. Practicing meditation would not only deepen my intimacy with God, but it would prepare me for those dark times of despair ahead of time instead of scrambling to the surface when I feel as if I'm drowning.

One of my goals in meditation was to really meditate on the relationships I share with people in my family, circle of friends and workplace. It was really interesting to take a step back and think about how and why I interact with others the way I do and to also step into their shoes and try to understand why and how they may act toward me. I think it's a great exercise in helping you treat others with kindness and patience when you otherwise might want to bite their head off! ;-)

April is Prayer month and I am hoping to work more on meditation along with prayer. I will go into more detail about what I have learned about prayer at the end of the month, but here are my goals:

1. Choose a person/couple to pray for intentionally each day of the week (ex. Pray for Bob on Sundays, Lisa on Mondays, Ken and Tina on Tuesdays, etc.) leaving Saturdays free to pray for someone I feel led to pray for. I have chosen my 6 people/couples and I will start on Sunday! I hope I can continue to do this after April. I am such a calendar/to-do list person and I think this will help me be more consistent in my intercessory prayer.

2. Practice "Flash prayers" more intentionally - praying for the needs of others as you notice them.

3. Write in my prayer/gratitude journal at least twice a week (I have been doing once a week, but it often turns into once a month! Trying to be better about that....)

As always, thanks for reading friends!

BB 11

BIG BEND TRIP 2011 (aka BB 11)

Since I can't get on facebook (I will still share my post through facebook...but don't worry, I won't get sucked in to looking around tee hee), I thought I'd share some photos of my Big Bend trip with Sarah on my blog. I am not a big camper, in fact, before college, I would have NEVER gone camping, but this was one of the best trips I have gone on. I had a fantastic time!

Our first hike (Window View) was 5.6 miles round trip! It led us to this beautiful view between two mountains. Below is the lovely Sarah posing at the view. How does she look so beautiful even after a long hike? Who knows! :)

The next day Sarah tricked...I mean encouraged me to push myself and do a 12.6 mile hike. We got up before sunrise and began our hike as the sun was coming up. Unlike the day before where we went down and then back up, this hike began going uphill. It was very steep and it was INCREDIBLY hard. I was way behind Sarah for most of it. I really tried to use this time to meditate and pray to God, but it was very hard as I was so focused on the pain and wanting to be done. Here is me and Sarah at the beginning of our hike, ready to go! I am so blessed to have her as a best friend. I cannot believe I got to spend the whole week with her. :) She is so wonderful and she pushes me to change and become a better person.

The 6 miles up to the South Rim were long and hard, but the view was DEFINITELY worth it (picture below). I couldn't believe I was still in Texas. It was amazing. God's creation is AMAZING! This picture doesn't do it justice. I wish we could have stayed up there longer, but there was still another 6 miles down to go. We made it back down in one piece, but BOY did I hurt everywhere. I still hurt a little now....but I guess no pain, no gain, right? :)

One of my favorite things about camping was waking up when (or before ) the sun rises and going to sleep when the sun sets. And boy, was the sky beautiful. This is a picture of a sun set our second night at Big Bend. I wish I could have captured what the night sky looked like: filled with stars that were bright and all over the place. It was breathtaking!

Hope you enjoyed the pics! I had a wonderful time and I am in even MORE awe of God's creation. What a marvelous Creator He is!

Goals for Meditation

March is the month of meditation! Boy, this is the perfect month to be focusing on that. I have half the month off because of Spring Break so I have plenty of time to push away my busy world and focus on God. I'm also going camping with my best friend next week so I will be pushing away even MORE of my busy world. :)

Here are my goals this month:

1. Meditate at least once a week on the scriptures I have memorized so far this year. Sarah and I have started memorizing 1-2 verses a month so I want to review them and meditate on them this month. My verses are 2 Timothy 1:7, Romans 8:26, Isaiah 40:31, Psalm 34:1, John 15:5

2. Meditate on God's creation - that's where the camping comes in. :)

3. Start the day with meditation . Once I go back to work, instead of being on the computer so much in the morning, I want to start my day with Bible reading and a short meditation. I'm giving up facebook for Lent so that should HELP a lot! :) The main thing I want to focus on in these meditations is CONFIDENCE. I have been feeling less confident in myself lately and I want to focus myself on my identity in Christ.

4. Meditate on people - pay attention to others and myself. I want to really think about how and why I treat others the way I do.

I'll let you know how it goes at the end of the month and what all I have learned from Foster. As always, thanks for reading!! :)

Service

Well, I kind of dropped the ball this month on studying service. I've read most of the chapter but haven't done the questions from the book. And I didn't post my plan for the month. BUT I blame that on how incredibly BUSY February was and how it was also incredibly SHORT. I can also say that February was FULL of seeking to serve others more so I'm happy with myself. :)

I did want to share what I have learned so far from Foster on service. It is another great chapter!

Foster begins by distinguishing service from "self-righteous service." He describes that it:

• comes through human effort
• is impressed with the "big deal"
• requires external rewards
• is highly concerned about results
• picks and chooses whom to serve
• is affected by moods and whims
• is temporary, insensitive and fractures community (pp.128-129)

On the other hand, true service goes hand in hand with humility. "Nothing disciplines the inordinate desires of the flesh like service, and nothing transforms the desires of the flesh like serving in hiddenness." (p.130) "It is one thing to act like a servant; it is quite another to be a servant." (p.134) He goes on to describe how there are many different types of service.

• the service of hiddenness
• the service of small things
• the service of guarding the reputation of others
• the service of being served
• the service of common courtesy
• the service of hospitality
• the service of listening
• the service of bearing the burdens of others
• the service of sharing the word of Life with one another (pp.134-140)

Reading the descriptions of each of these types of service warmed my heart and amazed me. It's incredible how many small ways we can serve each other. Service should not be this huge, complicated showy mess. It is a humble offering. It is a chance to show others the Love of Christ. Jesus is our prime example of the servant leader who took to his knees to wash the feet of his disciples. I hope to view service as a way of life, not simply tasks to check off my to-do list.

Foster provided a prayer that I hope to begin praying each morning when I wake up. "Lord Jesus, as it would please you bring me someone today whom I can serve." (p.140)

Hoping to be more on top of things in March! :) I think the 2-week Spring Break coming up will help with that! Since I already began the inward disciplines, I'm going to jump back and finish them for the next three months. Up next: Meditation!

Nerd Alert!

Well, I am not surprised to find that I loved learning about study this past month. I'm a huge nerd. I love to read and studying God's word this month has been awesome. As I told you earlier, I am also a procrastinator....but I have been working really hard on not doing that in my study of the Bible. I just started a new Bible Study (Breaking Free with Beth Moore) with my two best friends and I am halfway through the homework! Yippee! We don't meet again until Sunday so I may actually finish it on time! Sarah and I are wrapping up our last Beth Moore study (Living the Fruits of the Spirit) and let's just say I hardly ever did the homework on time. It's been really awesome doing one a night. I'm finding that I enjoy it more when it's spread out and I can actually take in what I'm learning. Imagine that!

I have also been trying to pay attention to the little things in my life...but of course, that's been harder than it looks. I enjoyed playing in the snow with Sarah's puppy this morning. It was wonderful to see how excited she was to romp around in it! She just ran and ran and ran in circles around me. I wish I could get that excited about nature! God's creation is amazing! I pray that everyone reading has been able to stay safe and warm during this crazy cold!

Finally, I have definitely been studying myself and how I interact with those around me. As always, there's much room for improvement. Negativity is definitely one of my struggles and I have really tried to see what triggers this tendency:

1. Being tired - I am definitely in a better mood when I get a good's night rest. My stupid allergies have been keeping me up the past few weeks, but for the past few days I have been sleeping much better and I can tell a huge improvement in my mood and how I treat others.

2. Focusing on myself and my troubles- when I get wrapped up in my "little problems" my mood plummets. Everything looks bleak and everyone seems out to get me. It's amazing how self-absorbed I can get...it's also funny that it took a little self-reflection to realize this. haha Also, I can tell a huge difference in my mood when I am serving others. I have been working in the nursery at church in January and even though it's been hard, I am always in a good mood after I leave. It's wonderful to help others and focus on them instead of your own life. Plus, 2-year olds are just adorable. :)

3. Shutting God out/believing lies- I actually had a couple breakdowns a few weeks ago where I just cried and cried and cried. Instead of crying out to God, I believed horrible lies about my friends and myself and fell into the trap of self-pity. I really hope to get into the habit of praying every day so it will be natural for me to turn to God in prayer when I am feeling down.

Once again, I had another awesome month. I love learning more about these disciplines and I love sharing it with you! Thanks for reading....coming up....SERVICE! :)

Study

Well, I meant to update this a few weeks ago, but life and procrastination got in the way! Oh well, better late than never I say! :) I also made a slight mistake in going to study next. I thought it was the final outward discipline, but in fact, it is an inward discipline. So I am taking a different course than I intended!

This month is all about the discipline of study. I have a love/hate relationship with studying. Throughout school I was always an excellent student and I loved to learn. I was a nerd (I admit it proudly) and I was always excited about school. However, I was also a huge procrastinator. I was one of those people who waited until the day before a huge exam or a huge paper and stayed up reeeeally late to do it. My lowest moment was finals week of my senior year of college in the fall semester. I was super sick and had a ton to do. I had so much that I did not one, but TWO all-nighters. YUCK! I survived though. I worked well under pressure, I suppose.

I enjoyed reading about study. Foster writes that the purpose of these disciplines is the "total transformation of the person. The aim at replacing old destructive habits of thoughts with new life-giving habits." (p. 62) He says that study is a prime example of this. In this new year, I am hoping to get into the habit of studying the Bible each day. I struggle with negative thoughts and emotions at times, and I know that God's word can be my greatest weapon against these things. My best friend and I have started a challenge for the year 2011 in memorizing 2 verses a month for this year. We keep each other accountable and check in at the beginning and middle of each month. I am on my second verse and I already am seeing results in my thought process. Even just focusing on one verse can be very powerful.

Foster writes about the four steps of study, and I have tried to use them in helping memorize my verses.

1. Repetition

2. Concentration

3. Comprehension

4. Reflection

In addition to applying these steps in memorizing my verses, I have been trying to apply it to my daily BIble reading. At the end of 2010, I had read through the Bible for the second time. However, once again, it was in huge chunks and not each day. I got into the bad habit of not reading for a few months and then catching up over a few weeks and then starting over again. Learning about study this month has really pushed me to strive to read the Bible each day. Reading huge chunks of the Bible at once leaves no room for concentration, comprehension and especially not reflection.

Foster also tells about how we should place high priority in the "interpretation" of scripture, not solely the "application" of it to our lives (p.69) Foster states that many people rush to the application stage. "They want to know what it means for them before they know what it means!" (p. 69) I pray God will help me this year to really soak in His word and focus on what it means as a whole, not just how it applies to me.

In addition to Scripture and other books of Christian literature, Foster talks about the study of "nonverbal" books. He begins by talking about nature saying merely we need to PAY ATTENTION. (p. 73) I can't even count all the times I have been so wrapped up in "life" or my to-do list that I have failed to notice the beautiful sunrise on my commute to work. Or I have missed a rainbow after a rainstorm because I am too busy complaining about my busy life. I am in great need of studying nature and just being out in God's creation with Him.

Foster also encourages us to study human relationships including ours with our family, friends and neighbors. He warns not to do this with judgment, but simply with the desire to learn. We should also study ourselves: "We should learn the things that control us. We observe our inner feelings and mood swings. What controls our moods? Why do we like certain people and dislike others? What do these things teach us about ourselves?" (p.75)

This chapter was very short, but full of great advice for training my mind and spirit. I pray God will continue to transform me and change my bad habits to good. Foster ends the chapter saying "study produces joy." I already have a joyful attitude toward most studying and I hope to grow it in my study of scripture, nature and people.

Thanks for reading!

Hi Kim, it's me, God!

Well, after a month of praying and thinking about submission, I realize that I have a long ways to go. Sometimes it's hard for me to know where God wants me and what He wants me to do....and other times I know exactly what to do, but I just don't want to. It's so hard to give up that desire to be in control and have your own way. What a blessing it is to put others before yourself. I pray 2011 will be the year of OTHERS for me. I'm so sick of my self-obsessed nature. Jesus commanded us to love the Lord our God AND love our neighbors as ourselves. I have not done either well. I am earnestly seeking for God to transform my heart to love like Him.

It was interesting to focus more on how I treated others this month. I was surprised (and saddened) to see how often I chose myself over others. I also saw this horrible habit rear its ugly head when I was home with my family. Why is it so much easier to treat others with kindness and patience, but turn around and treat your own family horribly. I know I need to show my family more love and respect. I mean, no offense to anyone else, but I have the best family EVER! Seriously. Your parents may be alright, but mine are the BEST! :) I realize more and more each day how blessed I am to have them and my younger brother. I ask for God to help show me where I need to "grow up" in regards to my relationship with them. I love you Mama and Daddy and Mark!

God really revealed to me how he wants to change my life. In many ways. Now I have a lifetime to tackle them, but I know He wants me to get started....uhh, TODAY! I wanted to share the main ones with you that I felt God reveal to me this month.

1. GET HEALTHY! - As I told you a few months ago, my cholesterol was way too high. I recently got the results from my recent blood work back and my cholesterol went down 30 points! HOORAY! Now, I am in the normal level BUT my HDL (good cholesterol) is way to low and my LDL (bad) is WAY WAY too high. I want to continue to make healthier eating choices and I want to get into a CONSISTENT workout routine. I have made a goal to lose 15 pounds by August (maid of honor time! haha) I want to get back to my college weight. High school weight seems to lofty haha! I'll keep you updated on how that's going!

2. STUDY HIS WORD - I just finished reading the Bible through for the 2nd time, but I honestly feel like I retained nothing. I got into the bad habit of not reading for a few months and then reading HUGE chunks at a time to catch up. I want to continue to reading the Bible in a year, but I want to actually read small amounts each day so I actually retain something! :)

3. INTIMACY WITH GOD - This is one God has been trying to work with me on for...umm...FOREVER! My prayer life is well, inconsistent and usually involves despair. I want to meet with God in times of gladness and sadness. In an effort to help me along, I got a gratitude prayer journal. My plan is start out with once a week and hopefully work up to daily.

4. GIVE UP CONTROL - Yeah, I tend to give God control on "some" things in my life, but not others....one BIG one in particular (relationships)....

Well, my friends. I hope you had a wonderful New Year's Eve and I look forward to sharing more of my journey in 2011. I will be back soon to tell you about January's discipline-STUDY! :) (the nerd in me is super excited about this month!)