They Shall Walk and Not Faint

All I was planning to do was get my yearly eye exam along with having my eyes dilated. The exam went fine, but when they put in the drops to dilate my eyes, things got scary. I started feeling very sick and a little dizzy, but I figured that was part of the process. After waiting 10 minutes they asked me to put my contacts in. One minute I'm standing at the sink, the next I am on the floor.

BOOM! I fainted.

I don't remember a thing between the sink and the floor and that's terrifying to me. Apparently, I hit my forehead on the sink and was falling back but the assistant that was in the room was able to catch me and guide me to the floor. It's a weird feeling to be standing in one place and then lying in another without knowing how you got there. Oddly enough, when I came to I felt a million times better. I was really shaky and sweaty but I felt fine. Some EMT guys came and checked me out and they let me go home. Fortunately my best friend Sarah was with me and I am so thankful for that. She drove me home and I rested most of the day.

This whole episode has really shaken me up. Not only in the physical sense. It kind of brought to light how I have been feeling in my spiritual life lately: very weak and enervated. The last few weeks I have been very un-disciplined in seeking out the Lord. I just feel like I'm drifting through life. I have not been attending church regularly and I have not been consistent with quiet time and my daily Bible reading. I have also just felt very indifferent to growing spiritually. It's like sometimes I don't even want to try. That is not how I want to live my life.

I do not want to feel weak in this area of my life. I want the strength of Christ to fill me and push me onward. I am so thankful that He was watching out for me today when I fell. But I am glad that God is speaking to me through this experience. I don't want to continue to live my life in this weary pattern I have found myself in. Just like I couldn't remember a thing between the sink and the floor, I don't want to look back on my life and not remember anything either. I want to see God moving in my life. I want to remember seeking Him out daily. I want to be invigorated! Once again, God reminds me that seeking His will and following Him will bring me strength. I trust God to heal me physically and spiritually in the days and weeks to come. I pray He invigorates my faint faith and that I will mount up with wings like eagles! I pray your strength is renewed also! Thanks for reading!

But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Moved to Tears

I saw Toy Story 3 yesterday with my parents (AMAZING movie by the way) and at the end I look over to see tears streaming down my mom's face. Now, it's not hard to make my mother cry. She's been known to cry at many a book and movie over the years. Seeing her yesterday made me think about all the movies that have made me cry. It's funny, but I love it when movies make me cry. It is interesting to me that you can get so wrapped up in a story and feel so close to the characters that you physically cry when something wonderful or tragic happens to them. I absolutely love to laugh, but a good cry is also wonderful, too.

I wanted to list a few of the movies that no matter HOW many times I watch them and I cry like a baby. I've cried in a lot of movies, but these are the ones that I have watched multiple times and cried each time. Comment and let me know what movies make you cry....I love having new movie suggestions!

1. Simon Birch - Don't ever make fun of this movie in front of me. I will punch you straight in the nose. It's one of my favorites and I cry every time!
2. Terms of Endearment - This is such a sad movie., but so good! I won't spoil it for you if you haven't seen it.
3. Father of the Bride Part II- When he holds those two babies in his arms, it's over! :)
4. Armageddon - I know it's a weird one, but when she says goodbye to her Dad I can't help it. I'm a Daddy's girl. :)
5. Life is Beautiful - What a wonderful, heart-wrenching story. The acting is wonderful and I don't care that I have to read subtitles! And the little boy is so precious, as is his father.
6. Steel Magnolias - Just like Terms of Endearment, another mother/daughter relationship flick. Such a funny movie, yet so sad at the same time. HOW DO YOU DO IT JULIA ROBERTS?
7. A Walk to Remember - Geez. Nicolas Sparks just knows how to make you weep.
8. My Girl - I know the ending each time I watch it, but I always hope it will change. Never does. Sigh.


I'm sure there are more, but now I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking about these. Emotions are just grand, aren't they?

So, your turn....what makes you cry?

You CAN go home again....

You know that cliche, you can never go home again...I am not sure I buy it. Sure, I understand that when you grow up and leave your childhood home and family, things change and are never the "same" but I truly believe you can still have that "feeling" of home no matter where you are in life. Maybe I feel this way because I have moved so many times in my life I don't truly have "one" childhood home. If you ask me where I'm from I might say Ponca City, OK or perhaps Katy,TX or maybe even Austin. However, if you ask me where did I grow up I would say Lake Charles, LA because that's where I spent 1st through 8th grade and I truly felt like my childhood was spent there. Going "home" at college was strange at first because my parents moved from Katy to Ponca City right after my senior year of college. So my first summer after college was not spent in my high school home, but in my "hometown" that I hadn't lived in for 15 years.

Despite all this moving around, I never felt like I wasn't at home when I would go back to be with my family. Wherever my parents and brother were, that was home. Same with church homes; my family has belonged to three churches (that I can actually remember) and I consider them all to my church home. I still consider FUMC of Ponca City my church home, not because my parents live there (because they don't anymore) but because of the people and the family I gained there.

I have always been close to my family and no matter where we are or what we are doing, I feel love. Now, we have plenty of issues and fights - we are all four very moody people! :) (I'm the ranking queen of moodiness myself) We aren't a picture-perfect family that gets along all the time. BUT we are very close and enjoy spending time together. I think that's why my brother and I have gotten closer to each other and to our parents since we have both left home. We have worked hard at intentionally spending time with our parents and not wanting to drift apart.

Now, back to my entry's title - you CAN go home again. I have always had trouble with change and growing up. I am really enjoying being an adult and living an independent life, but I often miss just being a kid. This weekend trip to Oklahoma with my family reminded me that I'll always have a piece of my childhood with me. It's never gone completely. Driving to Oklahoma with my family reminded me of the many car trips and vacations we took in the past. Even though I am a third year teacher and my brother is a junior, highly successful chemical engineer major at OSU, we easily slipped back into our roles of annoying siblings. It was funny to laugh at all the little quirks my parents still have (my dad's obsession with making good time or my mom's ability to crack herself up) Change is inevitable, but it is comforting me to know that some things don't change even after all these years.

I know soon my brother and I will get married, have kids and start our own families. I hope that we can pass our love for family onto our own families one day. I want my kids to know that they can always come home if they are 18 or 50. My home today is not the same as it was when I was ten, but I always know I can go home.

Summer To Do List

I was inspired by my twin to write down all the things I want to do this summer. Things in bold I have already achieved! :) If you want to help me out with any of these (as in join me on fun summer trips), please let me know!

1. Go to Barton Springs
2. Float the Comal River
3. Read at least 10 books (I have read 2 so I'm getting there)
4. Visit family and friends in Oklahoma
5. Attend Kindergarten Teacher Conference
6. Visit my parents in Katy
7. See Eclipse! :)
8. Go to Fiesta Texas
9. Organize my classroom files
10. Prepare my classroom for next year
11. Go through my clothes and boxes in closet
12. Have My Birthday Extravaganza
13. Hug Allison and Mikey (missionary friends in Africa who come back in July!)
14. Pack all my stuff and MOVE!
15. Get a massage before school starts.


Obviously I have a lot to do before July 27th (Yes, school is back in session then!) If you have any other fun, summer activities I should do, leave me a comment!

I'm so glee-full!

Warning! Lots of spoilers so don't read if you have not seen the finale of Glee and plan on doing so....

Glee's first season has finally ended and I thought it was an absolutely wonderful end to an awesome season. I have been hooked since episode one. What I love about this show is that not only does it have talented actors and amazing covers, the show portrays amazing messages that I feel like are often absent from our culture. Sure, it's unrealistic, but if you are looking for a true to life drama with intense story lines, you probably need to find another show.

As unrealistic as it may be, if you really think about high school and teen life, it's not THAT far off. We have all dealt with cliques, feeling insecure about not fitting in and being bullied, the bully or perhaps even both. As a teacher I am very passionate about ending bullying in schools. It is something I do NOT tolerate in my classroom. I teach my kids that we are a family in our class and we are to treat each other as family. That's why Glee touches me so much - they are a family. They have grown to see past the stereotypes of their school and love each other.

It is so easy in our culture to fall into the trap of judging others by how they look and act or by what they do. It's often much easier to join the crowd and tease those that are "not as cool" as us then be teased by those who are "cooler." I like how Glee pushes the envelope and shows the uniqueness of each character. It touches on gender, racial, sexual orientation and even physical handicapped stereotypes. I love all the characters in the Glee club and mainly because they are all so different, yet so amazing and "cool." It's cool to be a Gleek. :)

This show has really touched me so I wanted to share a few things I have learned from it. Enjoy!

Top 5 Things I have Learned from Glee:

5.Being part of something special makes you special. - As Tina said, Rachel got it right, when you are part of something special, you become special. Now this doesn't mean you become special to everyone else. You find a new sense of meaning, a new confidence, and most likely, you stop caring if others think you are special. (SPOILER ALERT!) I think that's why the kids were upset about not winning regionals, but not crushed. As Rachel said, they didn't care what the judges said. They were the ones who won. These 12 students were all misfits in some way or another, and this group was home to them and they traveled a long way as a family. I hope you all have something special in your life right now. If you have found it or have yet to find it, hold onto it and treasure it. You are special! :)

4. Everyone has some good in them (Yes, even Sue Sylvester) - Now, one of my favorite things about Sue is how EVIL she is. I laugh out the loudest when those outrageous statements come out of her mouth. But my OTHER favorite thing about her (besides her awesome dance moves) is the glimpses of humanity and kindness she shows us. She is not a 2-dimensional TV villain. We saw her loving relationship with her sister; we saw her insecurity and vulnerability over her looks and being rejected by Will; and perhaps my favorite, (another SPOILER!!) we saw her finally SEE the amazing transformation of the Glee club and vote for them to win regionals. She ultimately is the one who convinces the principal to give the club another year to prove themselves. Who knew that the person responsible for the imminent destruction of the Glee club would end being their savior? She has many layers and I look forward to seeing her grow in more seasons (but mainly I look forward to more OUTRAGEOUS comments about Will's hair and failure as a human being)

3. The journey is often more important than the destination - I am SO happy that Glee didn't win regionals. Now, that may sound weird, but I love the message they gave off by their reaction. Mr. Shu even said if they are only concerned about winning then he has failed them and they should just go home. The fact that they get to sing and do what they love should be their concern, not getting the biggest trophy. As evident by choosing all songs by Journey, they were proclaiming the power of their journey and how it has affected them all. Sure, it sucked to lose, but life isn't about winning and losing. It's about LIVING and loving what you are doing.

2. Teachers make a difference in their students' lives.... - Mr. Shuster (or Will) is an amazing teacher. Not only is he committed and talented at his job (and singing), he truly, deeply cares about his students. How many times over the season did he worry and toss and turn over the outcome of the Glee members and their club. His dedication and love for students got them to where they are - confident and full of heart. I cried when his students sang him "To Sir, With Love." Almost all of them were crying too, including Mr. Shu. Finn even compared him to a father figure. I wish there were more teachers out there like that. When you care about your students and set your expectations for them HIGH, they will reach it. This group went along way together and touched each other's lives greatly, which brings me to my final thought....

1. ...and students make a difference in their teachers' lives. - No one can deny that Mr. Shu loves his kids. You could just see it in his eyes as he watched them to sing to him and later when he sang back to them. They were not the only ones who changed. He changed. He found a passion for teaching and went for it. He became more humble, more sacrificing and more loving. I know very well that students can change their teachers lives, for better or for worse. That's my favorite part about teaching - the relationship between student and teacher. I am so thankful there is a show out there showing how teachers should love their students. (Of course, we can't be AS involved as Mr. Shu....that's a wee bit unrealistic) I know that if you let your students change you, you won't regret it. I sure don't. :)

Drowning in Stuff

Summer is a wonderful time for me as a teacher - rest, rejuvenation, time with friends and family....but in addition to all these good things, there is much more time for one dangerous activity: shopping. For those of you who know me, shopping is one of my(if not THE) favorite activities. Some people find shopping boring or a horrendous chore to be avoided at all costs. Not me. I love it. It excites me and relaxes me. I don't think its a bad thing...in moderation. But I have come to notice that as I have begun to be on my own bank roll (instead of my Dad's) I have increased my shopping habit instead of decreasing it. I am good with money, don't get me wrong. I have a budget and I always pay my bills, but I definitely feel I overdo it at times. It is evident by my room and closet, which are both overflowing with stuff.

Now that I have more free time on my hands, I want to really evaluate what I am using my money for. God has graciously provided me with a job that more than meets my monetary needs. I could be doing so much more with my money than buying cute clothes or the next season of Dawson's Creek (yes, I am currently addicted to that show....no mocking please! hah!) I want to simplify my life. I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed with my belongings ( and that may have a lot to do with the fact I will be moving in 2 months) I want to downsize.

So my faithful readers, I am proclaiming to you that I want to reflect on what I have and how I can change my desire for material things. I want to find other ways to spend my time besides shopping. I"m not saying I'm going to give everything away and live life with only the clothes on my back. And I'm definitely not saying I will never go shopping again....I don't feel God telling me to go to that extreme. I do feel Him convicting me though and I ask for your prayers as I seek to change my habits.

Thanks for listening....or um, reading? :)

Being a grown-up is HARD!

No one tells you when you graduate college how incredibly hard the transition into "adulthood" is or at least no one warned me. I remember everyone talking about the big change of going to college and being on your own for the first time, but honestly, as hard as that was, it was cake walk compared to what came next. In college you have a community surrounding you, friends living right down the hall, a set social calendar....things that you take for granted. When you leave college, you have to be much more intentional about all those things and it was very hard for me. It has been two (yes two! ahh!) years since I graduated college and I still feel like I'm having trouble adjusting. It has definitely gotten easier, but sometimes I fall into this funk and just wish I could go back to how it was.

Now, I don't want to be a person always wishing for the "good 'ol days." I mean, college was great, but I don't want to get stuck in the idea that the best is behind me. Donald Miller writes in his book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life, "We believe we will be made whole by our accomplishments, our possessions, or our social status. It's written in the fabric of our DNA that life used to be beautiful and now it isn't, and if only this and only that, it would be beautiful again." Sometimes I feel I fall into this trap and that scares me. If only I had this (insert material possession) or if only I was with (insert cute boy) or if only I was back (insert college memory).

Looking forward with hope and patience is easy to say, but not so easy to do. In fact, as a single Christian girl in her early twenties, it is sometimes terrifying and even frustrating. I look around at friend after friend entering serious relationships, getting engaged and tying the knot. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only single girl left in my circle friends. (I'm not, but dang, it's getting close.) I know I'm young and smart and full of potential and there is nothing wrong with being single. But like I said earlier, in addition to college surrounding you with a community, it also provides something else: boys. Believe it or not, even though my college had a VERY small supply of boys, it was more than I have now. I mean, I'm an elementary school teacher....there is like 1 man for every 30 women. Not great odds. In addition to making friends, meeting guys isn't so easy as an adult either.

Being only 23, I am not in a HUGE rush to get married, but hey, people get lonely. And not having that safety net of college to fall back on, being single out in the world can be very scary. Don Miller also writes that ""fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life." I don't want this fear of aloneness cripple my enjoyment of where I am right now as a single woman. I actually started counseling a year and a half ago (more on that in another post) and my counselor helped me map out a few goals of what I want (and CAN) do as a single woman. She helped me see the many opportunities I have now and that I should waste. But in order to not waste it, I have to be INTENTIONAL. An exciting, fulfilling life isn't just going to happen. After thinking about what I want to do NOW, I decided to travel more (NYC, London, soon Portland), join a gym, start painting, and read more. I have the time, why not use it?

Being a grown-up is hard and it does hurt at times, but I no longer want to go back to being a kid or a "pretend adult" in college. I want to look forward and embrace what God has planned for me. The changes He has for me will transform me into the woman He wants me to be.

"...[My friend Marco said] essentially, humans are alive for the purpose of journey, a kind of three-act structure. They are born and spend several years discovering themselves and the world, then plod through a long middle in which they are compelled to search for a mate and reproduce and also create stability out of natural instability and then they find themselves at an ending tha seems to be designed for reflection. At the end, their bodies are slower, they are not as easily distracted, they do less work, and they think and feel about a life lived rather than look forward to a life getting started. He didn't know what the point of the journey was, but he did believe we were designed to search for and find something. And he wondered out loud if the point wasn't the search but the transformation the search creates. ...[I wondered] that we were designed to live through something rather than to attain something, and the thing we were meant to live through was designed to change us. The point of a story is the character arc, the change." (Don Miller)

Another blog? Really, Kim?

I have been wrestling with the idea of doing another blog for a few weeks now and since it is summer vacation and all I figured, why not?

Now first, I thought I should let you know WHY I'm doing this. I already have a blog about teaching, and it was a wonderful outlet for me especially in my difficult first year of teaching. I'm still going to keep it running since I will be taking on solely kindergarten for the first time next year and I will need that outlet again I am sure. :) This year my job has been an amazing escape for me when I have been feeling down emotionally. Honestly I felt less anxious at work then I did at home, which was an odd feeling after my horrible first year experience. Since having a blog during that hard time was so healing for me, I felt like I should have one just about me. Writing has always been a release for me. I doubt I will have anything interesting to say, but for those few of you who actually may read this... enjoy.

Here is what I hope to share on here: everything.

Hah. Ok, that's a bit broad. But honestly I do want to just talk and analyze and vent about every aspect of my life. As you can see from the address, I definitely want to address my faith and relationship with God. I have not often been one to talk about my faith openly with people I am not close to, and I want to try and change that. I am not a biblical expert or theologian, but I want to share what I am learning and how I am changing. If you don't agree with what I say, well, I hope you can respect my beliefs. I will definitely respect and listen to yours if you ever want to share.

I also will talk about silly, day-to-day things....I mean, c'mon...if you know me, you know I can't be serious for too long. :)

I hope you enjoy!