Study

Well, I meant to update this a few weeks ago, but life and procrastination got in the way! Oh well, better late than never I say! :) I also made a slight mistake in going to study next. I thought it was the final outward discipline, but in fact, it is an inward discipline. So I am taking a different course than I intended!

This month is all about the discipline of study. I have a love/hate relationship with studying. Throughout school I was always an excellent student and I loved to learn. I was a nerd (I admit it proudly) and I was always excited about school. However, I was also a huge procrastinator. I was one of those people who waited until the day before a huge exam or a huge paper and stayed up reeeeally late to do it. My lowest moment was finals week of my senior year of college in the fall semester. I was super sick and had a ton to do. I had so much that I did not one, but TWO all-nighters. YUCK! I survived though. I worked well under pressure, I suppose.

I enjoyed reading about study. Foster writes that the purpose of these disciplines is the "total transformation of the person. The aim at replacing old destructive habits of thoughts with new life-giving habits." (p. 62) He says that study is a prime example of this. In this new year, I am hoping to get into the habit of studying the Bible each day. I struggle with negative thoughts and emotions at times, and I know that God's word can be my greatest weapon against these things. My best friend and I have started a challenge for the year 2011 in memorizing 2 verses a month for this year. We keep each other accountable and check in at the beginning and middle of each month. I am on my second verse and I already am seeing results in my thought process. Even just focusing on one verse can be very powerful.

Foster writes about the four steps of study, and I have tried to use them in helping memorize my verses.

1. Repetition

2. Concentration

3. Comprehension

4. Reflection

In addition to applying these steps in memorizing my verses, I have been trying to apply it to my daily BIble reading. At the end of 2010, I had read through the Bible for the second time. However, once again, it was in huge chunks and not each day. I got into the bad habit of not reading for a few months and then catching up over a few weeks and then starting over again. Learning about study this month has really pushed me to strive to read the Bible each day. Reading huge chunks of the Bible at once leaves no room for concentration, comprehension and especially not reflection.

Foster also tells about how we should place high priority in the "interpretation" of scripture, not solely the "application" of it to our lives (p.69) Foster states that many people rush to the application stage. "They want to know what it means for them before they know what it means!" (p. 69) I pray God will help me this year to really soak in His word and focus on what it means as a whole, not just how it applies to me.

In addition to Scripture and other books of Christian literature, Foster talks about the study of "nonverbal" books. He begins by talking about nature saying merely we need to PAY ATTENTION. (p. 73) I can't even count all the times I have been so wrapped up in "life" or my to-do list that I have failed to notice the beautiful sunrise on my commute to work. Or I have missed a rainbow after a rainstorm because I am too busy complaining about my busy life. I am in great need of studying nature and just being out in God's creation with Him.

Foster also encourages us to study human relationships including ours with our family, friends and neighbors. He warns not to do this with judgment, but simply with the desire to learn. We should also study ourselves: "We should learn the things that control us. We observe our inner feelings and mood swings. What controls our moods? Why do we like certain people and dislike others? What do these things teach us about ourselves?" (p.75)

This chapter was very short, but full of great advice for training my mind and spirit. I pray God will continue to transform me and change my bad habits to good. Foster ends the chapter saying "study produces joy." I already have a joyful attitude toward most studying and I hope to grow it in my study of scripture, nature and people.

Thanks for reading!

Hi Kim, it's me, God!

Well, after a month of praying and thinking about submission, I realize that I have a long ways to go. Sometimes it's hard for me to know where God wants me and what He wants me to do....and other times I know exactly what to do, but I just don't want to. It's so hard to give up that desire to be in control and have your own way. What a blessing it is to put others before yourself. I pray 2011 will be the year of OTHERS for me. I'm so sick of my self-obsessed nature. Jesus commanded us to love the Lord our God AND love our neighbors as ourselves. I have not done either well. I am earnestly seeking for God to transform my heart to love like Him.

It was interesting to focus more on how I treated others this month. I was surprised (and saddened) to see how often I chose myself over others. I also saw this horrible habit rear its ugly head when I was home with my family. Why is it so much easier to treat others with kindness and patience, but turn around and treat your own family horribly. I know I need to show my family more love and respect. I mean, no offense to anyone else, but I have the best family EVER! Seriously. Your parents may be alright, but mine are the BEST! :) I realize more and more each day how blessed I am to have them and my younger brother. I ask for God to help show me where I need to "grow up" in regards to my relationship with them. I love you Mama and Daddy and Mark!

God really revealed to me how he wants to change my life. In many ways. Now I have a lifetime to tackle them, but I know He wants me to get started....uhh, TODAY! I wanted to share the main ones with you that I felt God reveal to me this month.

1. GET HEALTHY! - As I told you a few months ago, my cholesterol was way too high. I recently got the results from my recent blood work back and my cholesterol went down 30 points! HOORAY! Now, I am in the normal level BUT my HDL (good cholesterol) is way to low and my LDL (bad) is WAY WAY too high. I want to continue to make healthier eating choices and I want to get into a CONSISTENT workout routine. I have made a goal to lose 15 pounds by August (maid of honor time! haha) I want to get back to my college weight. High school weight seems to lofty haha! I'll keep you updated on how that's going!

2. STUDY HIS WORD - I just finished reading the Bible through for the 2nd time, but I honestly feel like I retained nothing. I got into the bad habit of not reading for a few months and then reading HUGE chunks at a time to catch up. I want to continue to reading the Bible in a year, but I want to actually read small amounts each day so I actually retain something! :)

3. INTIMACY WITH GOD - This is one God has been trying to work with me on for...umm...FOREVER! My prayer life is well, inconsistent and usually involves despair. I want to meet with God in times of gladness and sadness. In an effort to help me along, I got a gratitude prayer journal. My plan is start out with once a week and hopefully work up to daily.

4. GIVE UP CONTROL - Yeah, I tend to give God control on "some" things in my life, but not others....one BIG one in particular (relationships)....

Well, my friends. I hope you had a wonderful New Year's Eve and I look forward to sharing more of my journey in 2011. I will be back soon to tell you about January's discipline-STUDY! :) (the nerd in me is super excited about this month!)

Submission

I have to be honest - I wasn't thrilled with the idea of focusing on submission. I have always had this distorted view of submission as a bad thing. I just saw it as a form of oppression (men over women, master over slave, etc.) After reading this chapter I realize how incredibly wrong I was. I really think this may be my favorite discipline so far.

Foster starts off saying that the whole reason we have discipline is freedom. He writes that "every Discipline has its corresponding freedom. What freedom corresponds to submission? It is the ability to lay down the terrible burden of always needing to get our own way."

Wow. How incredibly difficult and wonderful that sounds. It has really been interesting to look at how I interact with others and think about how often I want "to get my own way." God asks us to let go of our need to be right and allow us to focus our concern on Him and our neighbors.

I have definitely found the most difficult place for me to "submit" is at work. It's so tempting to complain and moan and grown when I don't get my way. Or to gossip and look down on others who I think are making my life (and even their own life) miserable. I pray God can continue to mold my heart into a servant's heart, especially at work. There are so many little things that get me down at work that don't matter. Instead, I should be seeking out opportunities to serve the needs of others instead of complaining about how my needs are being met.

Foster says the best way to handle matters of submission is to say nothing. Another hard one for me. I definitely don't have as much trouble in the moment with a person in saying nothing. But I do tend to complain or worry or analyze about people or situations I can't control. How wonderful it would be to just say nothing and let it go.

I hope to seek out ways to show my submission to others. And I don't just mean to those "in authority." Foster lists 7 Acts of Submission:

1. Triune God

2. Scripture

3. Family

4. Neighbors, people in daily life

5. Believing community

6. Broken and despised

7. The World

This month I wanted to focus on two areas of submission. I desperately want to seek more time with God (especially in solitude) in daily prayer where I simply listen for His will. The other area I want to focus on is my neighbors and those I interact with on a daily basis.

I will end with a verse from Philippians that kind of sums up where I am seeking my heart to go:

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interest of others." (Phillipians 2:3-4)

From Solitude to Submission

Well, it's month three of my Discipline adventure. Month 2 on Solitude did not go as well as month 1 of Simplicity, but like I said at the beginning, this year is not about "mastering" each discipline in a month. It's about jump-starting my desire to work at them for the rest of my life. I also think God really wants me to work on simplifying my life and finances and direct them more towards Him so I got more out of that month.

I am finding that each discipline is interconnected with the other disciplines so I have may more chances to work on all of them. EXCITING! I was able to do a whole day of not speaking and that was incredibly convicting. I really saw how much I depend on speech to defend myself, complain, whine, gossip....it was actually quite liberating to just sit and listen all day.

I have read the chapter on Submission, my next discipline, and I am very excited about this month. I will definitely be seeking out more times of solitude this month. I look forward to sharing more with you, but I have been sick all weekend so I'm little tired and out of it so I'll be signing off!

Thanks for reading! :)

I am thankful for....

Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was another wonderful time spent with family and friends. I am currently in Oklahoma with my parents and brother. We spent Thanksgiving with my aunt and uncle, my cousin and her husband and their adorable baby, Elise, my uncle's mother and my grandfather. We had a delicious meal (my aunt and cousin are wonderful cooks and my cousin's husband is a chef!) and a great visit. I am so thankful for my family. I decided to make a list of the things I am thankful for so here goes!

My parents and their unconditional love

My brother and his girlfriend, Carrie

My grandparents in heaven

My Granddaddy who is still with us

My aunts and uncles and cousins and their families

Thanksgiving meals with my family

Time off from my job :)

My teammates and co-workers

Having a job I love and being able to support myself

My students

My friends

My roommate Sarah and her dog (my niece) Mattie

Having a home

Being able to apply to grad school

Visiting Oklahoma and safe travel

Books and a love for reading

Sleep (and getting more sleep on vacation)

Prayer and time with God

Braum's milk (oh, how I miss you Braum's)

Movies in 3D :) (Tangled and MegaMind were AWESOME!)

Watching movies with friends

Laughter

Pictures and the memories they capture

My computer and its ability to help me stay connected to others

My health

My mental health :)

My counselor

Support of my friends and family

Being able to worship in my church with fear of persecution

Soldiers and troops protecting our country

My loving church family

My mentor, Brenda

My small group

Reading the Bible

Wow....I am blessed. The more I have studied solitude this month, the more God has shown me the important of balance in growing a more intimate relationship with Him and serving and loving the body of Christ. Both are vital and important.

I am thankful for you all....hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

A note from Granny

I am currently at my parents' house in Katy visiting them for the weekend. For my past few visits, I have been trying to go through the stuff in my "room" at their house. I have too much stuff ESPECIALLY since I don't live with them anymore. I just finished going through my desk and I found tons of letters and cards I have received over the years. I wanted to share one in particular with you.

I found a note with music and hearts on the front to find the familiar script of my grandmother on the inside. She and I wrote to each other fairly regularly over the years especially when I went to college. I loved getting notes from her in college even though it was sad to see how she was growing weaker and her memory was not as sharp. Even her handwriting was not the same as I saw it was very messy and uncontrolled.

This note had definitely been written years ago. Her handwriting was extremely neat and tidy (the handwriting I remember) and her memory was as sharp as ever. And she signed it Love, Grandpa and Granny. My grandpa had passed away in 2000 so this note was from a ways back. She mentioned that she got a picture from me holding a music award and that she was not surprised I had made the newspaper staff so this note must have been sent when I was in 7th grade (1998). I apparently wrote an article about "The Perfect Teacher" and had sent it to her. She praised it and told me that I "have knowledge beyond your years about a school teacher's life." That made me cry and smile. :)

My grandmother has always been my main inspiration for wanting to become a teacher. I always looked up to her and wanted to be like her. Losing her last January was extremely hard on me...much harder than I expected. I miss her everyday, but I know she's at peace now and that comforts me. I am also thankful that she was able to live to see me become a teacher.

I love you Granny and Grandpa...I miss you both dearly.

Solitude

Well, after a week of studying the discipline of solitude, I wanted to share with you what I have learned.

Foster starts this chapter off saying "Jesus calls us from loneliness to solitude." (p.96) Boy, do I need that! This chapter honestly scared me a little as I really struggle with being alone. I suffer from depression and it rears its ugly head ferociously when I have been alone for long periods of time. I'm an extrovert - I feel energized after spending time with people. My thoughts turn sad and dark when I feel loneliness creep upon me. It's not a fun place to be. So naturally, I wasn't thrilled with the idea of practicing solitude. But this just showed me how important this discipline is for me to learn and I am glad to be doing it for my second month. I feel it will strengthen my ability to practice the inward disciplines, especially prayer and meditation.

My fear of studying solitude quickly disappeared as I read this chapter more thoroughly. I was excited to see how working on the discipline of solitude could actually help with my depression. Foster writes later that "we can cultivate an inner solitude and silence that sets us free from loneliness and fear. Loneliness is inner emptiness. Solitude is inner fulfillment." (p. 96) I LOVE that last sentence: inner fulfillment. My time alone does not have to be spent worrying about tomorrow or wishing I was spending time with someone else. My time alone can be spent being filled with the Spirit of God.

Foster also emphasizes that we should not seek constant solitude. You need both fellowship and solitude in your life. He writes that "we must seek out the recreating stillness of solitude if we want to be with others meaningfully." (p. 98) It's all about balance, my friends. That seems to be my theme for this year. Balance. :)

I am looking forward to this month, but I know it will be difficult. Please pray for me! Here is what I have decided as my goals for this month -

1. Take a break from facebook for the rest of November. I feel like facebook is mainly just a way for me to CONSTANTLY be in contact with people. Just another way to never be alone. I don't want to quit it completely because I feel like it's an excellent way to keep in touch with people and connect with people from my past. But I do need a break. This also relates to the discipline of simplicity as facebook really does complicate my life at times....wasting away precious hours. :)

2. Take advantage of "little solitudes" I find throughout the day. Foster gives the examples of sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic or the moments before you get up in the morning or slipping outside to enjoy the night before going to bed. He writes that "these tiny snatches of time are often lost to us....they are little moments that help us to be genuinely present where we are." (p. 106) I have several little solitudes (before AM duty, lunch break, planning period) during the school day I could take advantage of and use to rejuvenate. I pray God will help me use them more wisely! :)

3. Take 3-4 prayer walks this month. I find it so hard to pray to God and really LISTEN to Him when I am just sitting or laying in my bed. I would love to take time to walk out in God's creation and seek His heart.

4. Try to live one ENTIRE day without words at all. This one will be a toughie. :) I love to talk. I love to text and email and chat and call and laugh and....well, you get the picture. I think it would be INCREDIBLY interesting to see how a day goes without using any words or form of communication. Obviously, I couldn't do this while teaching. :) HAH! That would be hilarious though. I do have a couple bossy kids I could put in charge, but I doubt that would last for the whole day. My plan is to do this on Saturday, November 20th. If you think about it, pray for me on that day. Pray that I am able to hear from God and really clear my head from all the distractions of life. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes. :)

Well, once again, thanks for reading friends! I'll be sure to keep you updated as the month goes on. This should be another great month!